The Big Job Stress

This post is a downer and I apologize, but I haven’t spoken much about our situation and my heart is heavy with it today. Bear with me. 🙂

This week I feel suddenly burdened, suddenly fearful and suddenly worried. Since May, I have been floating along trusting in the “plan”. I mean, the timing for Barry loosing his job was more than ironic…he had already brought up the idea of looking for something else and the same day we signed adoption paperwork was the day he was let go. So I just accepted that it was meant to be and trusted that God would provide. And He has!
But now I am standing here, heavy with demons on my back, worried for our family. I’m left wondering “why?”, “when?”, and “how?”.

To loose your job right before a new baby comes into your family, then have your wife get pregnant and have zero prospects for how we will survive is scary.

It’s not just Barry and I anymore. There is more at stake and I’m beginning to worry.
It’s not only hard on a family, but I think it is more difficult for Barry. Especially because he has been working very hard to find something. When recruiters don’t return phone calls, when applications are filled out and entered into an enormous database, when nothing seems to be the right fit…it wears on you. I think where Barry is at now makes the whole process more frustrating. He is weary and down on his luck. He wants to provide for our family. He is tired, bored, frustrated, unchalleneged and ready for something new.
Is there something we are missing? Not doing?

Ultimately I know things will work out. We will be ok and the right job will come along. But it’s scary to discuss the possibilities…loosing our house, having Barry take a job on a rig where he will be gone most of the time, working more than one job…all of these things and more are possibilities that we have to be ok with and prepare for.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'” (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-7, NIV)

Today, on the way in to work, nearly every song that you could possibly imagine to lift someone up in a time of need played. And then at school, Miley Cyrus’ song The Climb played. On my phone, Florence + The Machine’s Shake It Out played. And of course I cried. All morning. I hear you, Lord. I’m waiting, I’m praying and I’m working to give this one to You completely.

A huge thank you to my friends and family who are praying through this with us.

Moving?

The fun never ends over here!
Barry’s position where he worked for the last 6 years was dissolved at the end of May. After taking a break and a summer vacation, he has been actively searching for a job for about 3 weeks. Last week he go a call from a recruiter about a company who was interested in him. They had a phone interview, which went well, and they will now be doing an in-person interview. In another state. As in NOT Texas.
Yup.
Now obviously no job offer has been made, but we are very excited about the potential. My friends all tell me not to worry because no job offer has even been made, but you all know me. I want to be prepared. My mind is going a million miles an hour. Thoughts like: Do we take the first job he is offered, or hold out for something closer?
Then more selfish thoughts like: I have to make new friends, I won’t have my family here to visit with or help me, who will cut my hair?! (good hairdressers are hard to find!!), I don’t know a thing about this particular state (except that Texas rocks, obviously), my photography business will be put on hold, and the list goes on…
Not to mention I will have a newborn and a 15 month old, so it’s unlikely I will be going on any play dates or getting out to meet new people for a while.
Then important adult-like issues: EI services, how this potential move would affect our adoption, renting/selling our house and buying/renting another one, and my job…I feel so established there. I worked hard for my position and I love love love what I do. I would have to leave my team, my school, my kids, my projects, my ideas. I’ve debated over my feelings about staying home and having a career since I began college (see tag “the job” lol)- on the one hand I have worked so hard for my job, and to leave it to stay at home seems overwhelming and scary. Will I be good at it, will I be bored, will I go crazy?
I’m trying to ignore all of this and focus on Ruby’s impending birth. Barry’s interview is on Thursday, so wish us luck and I will let you know how it all goes!! 🙂

Family Update

Things have been busy around our house!
Eli is stil recovering from a nasty cough 😦 Poor boy- I feel like he has had every sickness possible in his first year of life! I hope this at least builds up his immune system!
Barry was fighting off a stomach bug and I was just in a “funk”.

Eli’s been keeping us busy, though. His crawling has improved quite a bit since he started last week. He gets around well, which means it’s time to baby proof the house! My curtains are in trouble. lol
He has adapted his crawl to where he tucks one leg in and uses the other to pull himself along. He can crawl correctly, so this is quite odd. Our OT showed us how to correct him yesterday so we will be working on that. Little turkey.
He’s also working on a few teeth finally. I thought we would have to get the kid dentures! lol

We signed a portion of our adoption paperwork last week too. That was a big day for us. It elimnated a lot of stress leading up to Ruby’s birth and formally got the wheels in motion for the entire process.
Nothing is offical until after she gets here, but this is a great beginning. We celebrated with a lunch out. 🙂

I’ve been getting Ruby’s room ready…well trying to. I feel like getting her things prepared has been one fail after another. We have the crib but somehow I misplaced all the bolts and screws that hold it together. So…it’s sitting in the room until we can locate the bolts or buy new ones. (I never loose stuff….seriously…I can’t even begin to think where they could be…). And I found an amazing deal on an armoire, which I spent two weeks painting and distressing, only for it to not fit down the hallway to her room. I was so proud of my piece and now I have to sell it to get something else. *pout*
Needless to say, her room is in pieces but I know it will all come together.
My mom and grandmother are busy planning the bedding, cause when you have a girl you *have* to go custom. 😉

The other big news- my husband’s position where he has worked for 6 years was absorbed by the company. He was informed moments before we signed the adoption paperwork. They gave him a very generous severance package and he is now looking for something new. It’s a big change for him. He really liked what he did and his coworkers. They were very good to us and we will miss them dearly. It will be a difficult transition for us all but I’m sure God has bigger plans for our family.
I’m nervous about the change, especially the timing with Ruby coming, but we have to trust that this was the perfect time and that it will all work out.

Needless to say, we have been quite busy this week! Lots going on, but I like it when our life is fast-paced some times. It’s fun and a challenge. Only 9 more days of school, then our life slows down. Looking forward to play dates, time in the pool and dinner with friends. 🙂
Hope everyone is having a great week!