This post is a downer and I apologize, but I haven’t spoken much about our situation and my heart is heavy with it today. Bear with me. 🙂
This week I feel suddenly burdened, suddenly fearful and suddenly worried. Since May, I have been floating along trusting in the “plan”. I mean, the timing for Barry loosing his job was more than ironic…he had already brought up the idea of looking for something else and the same day we signed adoption paperwork was the day he was let go. So I just accepted that it was meant to be and trusted that God would provide. And He has!
But now I am standing here, heavy with demons on my back, worried for our family. I’m left wondering “why?”, “when?”, and “how?”.
To loose your job right before a new baby comes into your family, then have your wife get pregnant and have zero prospects for how we will survive is scary.
It’s not just Barry and I anymore. There is more at stake and I’m beginning to worry.
It’s not only hard on a family, but I think it is more difficult for Barry. Especially because he has been working very hard to find something. When recruiters don’t return phone calls, when applications are filled out and entered into an enormous database, when nothing seems to be the right fit…it wears on you. I think where Barry is at now makes the whole process more frustrating. He is weary and down on his luck. He wants to provide for our family. He is tired, bored, frustrated, unchalleneged and ready for something new.
Is there something we are missing? Not doing?
Ultimately I know things will work out. We will be ok and the right job will come along. But it’s scary to discuss the possibilities…loosing our house, having Barry take a job on a rig where he will be gone most of the time, working more than one job…all of these things and more are possibilities that we have to be ok with and prepare for.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'” (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV)
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-7, NIV)
Today, on the way in to work, nearly every song that you could possibly imagine to lift someone up in a time of need played. And then at school, Miley Cyrus’ song The Climb played. On my phone, Florence + The Machine’s Shake It Out played. And of course I cried. All morning. I hear you, Lord. I’m waiting, I’m praying and I’m working to give this one to You completely.
A huge thank you to my friends and family who are praying through this with us.