One More Monkey

ashley announcement low resThere were four in the bed and Eli said, “Roll over! Make room for one more!”
Baby Newman #3 is due April 2014!

So you know how I said the fun never ends over here?? Well surprise!!! After such a struggle to get pregnant in 2010, we never thought in a million years we would ever get pregnant on our own. Especially with everything else we have going on…job hunt, new baby…this was the last thing on our minds. And we know, “they” say it always happens when you stop thinking about it…but we never thought we would be blessed that way again. And we were ok with that.
In my heart, I knew we weren’t done and that I wanted more children, but we were also very ok with our current situation. Afterall, we have a 16 month old miracle and a newborn blessing from heaven! We have our hands quite full! I knew when the kids were older, I would want to try IVF or even adoption again. But it’s just not about our timing, it’s God’s timing. And it’s perfect.

Man, we thought Eli was the game changer!

So here are my secret diaries. We had actually begun TTC again at the first of the year, so I kept notes on that and on Baby Newman #3 here:
photo 1photo 22/6/13- Well, here we are again. I recently stopped breastfeeding and waited for my cycle to return. I didn’t want to stop, but when Eli was 8 months I got a a horrible sinus infection that wiped out my supply. I dried up. Which was nice in a way, because I didn’t have to experience the painful weening process. But I am sad that those days are over and super grateful for the experience. 🙂
—-Clomid rx and happy follicle on u/s.
So AF returned and as a family, Barry and I decided we were ready to start trying for baby number 2. I know that sounds so soon. Eli is only 9 months old. But our way isn’t the same as everyone else. We can’t afford IVF right now, and we are really enjoying our time with Eli.
We are starting slow. My OB wants us to try Clomid for the next 6 months and see what happens. In our case, it would be like us saying, "We aren’t trying but we aren't preventing it either". We just need the "leg up" so to speak.
I'm on 150mg of Clomid for 5 cycle days. It makes me crazy. I'm emotional, sick to my stomach, restless, unable to sleep, hot flashes, dizzy…and it's so hard to keep taking the meds when I know they make me feel so bad. I keep saying, "3 more days…2 more days…" just to get through. On the other side of the meds I feel better 🙂 So that's a plus.
My follies have had a slow start this cycle. Not sure how my cycles will look coming out of breastfeeding, so we will just have to play it by ear. I believe I will be triggering the week of the 11th…I find out on Friday.
Trying to sort through my emotions on all of this. It's hard not to be "that girl" again..the infertile one who obsesses about her cycle and possible pregnancy symptoms. But my heart immediately skips a beat at the thought of another baby. I'm just so hopeful and excited.
I'm just praying I don't let getting pregnant take over my life and that God will make it clear which direction we should proceed.
Opening the door and stepping through. 🙂

2/13/13- Half way through our first TTC cycle. It’s surreal. We ran into some issues after triggering, which was on Friday. Emotions were high and our hearts were playing with our heads.
How do you not go back to that place where you struggled to get pg? Prior to our miscarriage we were cool, calm and relaxed about the whole thing. As our TTC journey continued, we became more emotional…more was at stake. Both of us felt responsible for our inability to create a baby. We both felt like we were letting the other one down. BDing became a chore. It was horrible. I think we lost a part of ourselves and our relationship during that tough time. I’m so glad we aren’t there right now.
BUT…it all came flooding back really fast this past weekend. The fear, the guilt…it was difficult to remember why we would be feeling that way.
Barry and I had to sit down and talk it all out- sort through our emotions and remind ourselves that it’s not a race, this is supposed to be fun and let the rest of this go. No stress, no guilt…just us. If we have to revisit the world of IF then so be it, but right now we just want to try on our own.
My cycles probably won’t be normal for a while, so while I am technically in my 2WW, I don’t feel pressure to test or know.
Interesting journey already.

2/18/13- I’m on CD27 and I’ve been feeling weird. But I’m very good at being fake pregnant so I’m not holding my breath.

3/25/13- Today has been weird. I’m on CD31 so I POAS but it was negative. I normally do that just to give myself peace of mind- “ok, I’m not pregnant so I can have a glass of wine and lay off the aresnal of vitamins I am on right now”…that kind of thing. But yesterday AF was due and nothing. I don’t really even feel anything- normally I can tell AF is about to start or coming on. Nothing.
So I waited all day, still no Af and I tested again this morning.
The test was invalid. A very very faint line showed up in the results window but it was facing the wrong direction. It’s a cheapie store brand test with blue dye. Blue dye has been unlucky in my experiences, lots of invaild results. Today was no different.
I go for my bloods this afternoon so we will know something by Wednesday. Of course because I am going for a blood draw, AF will start.
Just makes it hard when your cycles aren’t regular after having a baby and breastfeeding for 8 months.
EDIT: Bloods negative, hello AF and vino!

3/31/13- AF is here, and we are celebrating Easter with family. Some crazy stuff happened in regards to the adoption post. More on that later…

7/26/13- AF was due the day before but a no show. I’ve been texting my BFF about wanting to POAS just in case, but we both decide I should wait until the morning and if nothing, then I would go pick one up. I don’t feel anxious and I’ve decided not to tell Barry of my suspicions. No reason to worry him over being one day late. Meanwhile, I have been busy preparing for Ruby. I have my Lact-Aid and Domperidone ready to go, but I haven’t begun my AB protocol. I don’t know why I don’t just dive in, but something is holding me back.
I’ve been unable to sleep- likely stress. Bloated and tired. I don’t know…

Later…
This afternoon I am having a friend over. I joked that she should pick a test up for me on her way…she did. It’s just a Dollar Store cheapie and in all my POAS experience I’ve never actually used one of these.
It needs a cup and uses a dropper. Just 3 little drops of my sample and I stare at the test. Maybe I see a line, but I think I’m just really wanting to see something because it’s in my infertile nature. I clean up in the bathroom and go put it on the counter and pretend I’m going to wait for two minutes. But of course I only wait 30 seconds before checking again. It’s positive. BFP.
No freaking way…
I said a lot of bad words and my hands are instantly shaking…
And then I yelled for Barry, who had vanished during all of this.
I find him in our bathroom…and I yell through the door that I think I am pregnant. LOL It was a special moment, for sure.
All the while my friend is just laughing and smiling so huge.
When Barry rejoins us in the den, we hug and laugh and cuss together. It’s unreal honestly and I immediately want an HcG test to confirm what I think must be a false positive. Because stuff like this just doesn’t happen.
MJ and Kelli are amazing and I have my results by 8:00pm. HcG number 400, Progesterone 19. Definitely pregnant! Can’t believe this is happening!

7/30/13- Been feeling crampy since we found out. Pretty normal. Had an u/s today and everything looks typical. Which felt weird and amazing to be told, but it’s still so early. Could only see one little dot in there.
Came home and started progesterone and shortly after had a bit of spotting. Made me feel a but deflated because of what we have already been through-
But it could just be from the ultrasound itself. Being pregnant is so stressful! Lol

7/31/13– HcG 2364 Progesterone 20.2 no other abnormalities. Going to avoid stressing and focus on the positives. 🙂

20130812-165208.jpg
20130812-165220.jpg

8/18/13- Wound up in the ER today for bleeding. Baby is measuring perfectly. They have no idea why I’m bleeding. The doctor said I was a puzzle and to be on pelvic and bed rest until bleeding is resolved. That’s going to work while I have two little nuggets who need me. Lol
Glad the baby is ok. I’m giving this one to God- this is His baby and His plan. Help me through it no matter the outcome!

8/29/13- I haven’t updated in a while. We found out on Monday at my follow up from the ER that I actually have a
SCH (subchorionic hematoma)
. I had one when I was pregnant with Eli too.
Everything else is as normal as could possibly be. I’m on light duty, so I can’t lift Eli. 😦 and the bleeding is alarming for sure. But every time I go in for an ultrasound we are assured that baby Newman is perfectly fine.
Despite the fact that I’m nervous as all get out, we are at the end of our 9th week and I’m having an amazing photog friend come to take our pregnancy announcement pictures. Definitely feels good to be planning that. Starting to allow myself to day dream about this baby, shared rooms and more sweet baby snuggles.

8/9/13- I had the materniT 21 test today. The jury is out for a lot of parents who have already had children with DS and plan to have more children: to do the test or not do the test.
Personally the results of the test change nothing. If this baby has a chromosomal abnormality then it does. We plan and partner with our doctors and the hospital to be as best prepared as possible. This baby has always been Gods and that doesn’t change just because of a diagnosis. This was His design and this is supposed to be happening. I feel stronger and ready to face any thing that’s in store for our family- however ungracefully.
Chances are slim that this baby is anything but typical.
The spotting has gone and I am off light duty. Everything is progressing normally…which is music to our ears. I go back to work in just two weeks! I have mixed emotions about this return, but we are ready for the big things God has in store for our family! 🙂 I will make sure to update more on the pregnancy as it progresses 🙂 Thank you everyone for your love, support and prayer! God is simply amazing- to think only three years ago we thought we would never have children and now we will have 3! 🙂 Blessed!

11 weeks today!

I made it through the weekend and Monday with no bleeding. That’s worth celebrating! 🙂 I kept waiting for it to happen. But maybe this bleed is finally trying to heal up. Who knows? What I do know is that the u/s was still picking up the SCH, that the baby is fine and we have our NT scan scheduled.
I never thought we would make it to the NT scan!! I didn’t even know what it was until this pregnancy. I’m nervous but excited to reach this milestone. This also means I have been looking at Dr. Google to find out exactly what the NT scan will be looking for. This website had the best info: NT Scan. I did find out through some searching that 3 out of 4 babies with DS will not have a nasal bone present at this stage. We already saw our little bean’s nose a few weeks ago in the ER (their machine is so good!!) so that was encouraging. And while I know this test is not 100% accurate, I am celebrating the simple fact that we have made it this far. I am another week pregnant. 🙂


10w 6d

The machine my OB has is not as fancy or sensitive and I think it make our peanut look like an alien. lol But the office that is doing my NT scan has much better equipment so I am excited to see our baby looking like a baby in just 8 days!! I think we should find out the results by 13 weeks and will hopefully make the official announcement around then.
It doesn’t feel real. I still don’t feel pregnant. And last time we never got to experience any of this…so yeah, it’s surreal.

We have been discussing doing a gender reveal party. There is a small chance that we will find out (or at least get a hint at) the gender of the baby next week. But we didn’t really get to have a special announcement when we started this process. With the first pregnancy, we were waiting until Thanksgiving day to share with our whole family. We kept it a secret and practically vibrated with excitement.
This time around there was so much nervousness, concern and fear…and so many people already knew what we were doing that there was no surprise.
I love the idea of the party and can’t wait to start planning it.

May have to rely on family and friends for that, though. I started really looking at what my disability is going to cover and how my paychecks are going to look due to my bed rest…it’s not looking too good. I went ahead and made a new budget for next pay period with the worst case scenario- no paycheck for me.
SCARY!
I don’t know how we did it before…honestly. Barry needs a raise now! lol Seriously, though, that is the worst case and if we have to do that, then we will. I guess what scares me the most is the deficit in addition to the IVF debt. I know God will provide and we will get through this. But it is still scary. I’m ready to get back to work so I don’t get docked any more days.
All for you, little peanut. 🙂
Alright, no more worrying. I have a good sub this week, an awesome art sub for next week and loads of time on my hands. We have been fine up until this point (family bringing food over and cleaning and visiting with me, sooo blessed!) Time to eat some lunch and try to make the best of the rest of this bed rest sentence.

10w 3d

Had another u/s today with my RE. It went well. He had no idea I had a subchorionic bleed since he was out on vacation and I have been more in contact with my OB now. So that was interesting. But he gave me the most info so far. He measured the bleed and said it was only 1/4 the size of the baby and will likely clear up by 12 weeks (though I could bleed again), which is good news. He also said that at this point in the pregnancy I have only about .5% chance of miscarrying. More good news.

Next we checked out baby and everything looked good. Bub was moving around and looked good. We set up the NT scan for less than 2 weeks from now, which was super exciting and they are no longer drawing bloodwork for hCG or any other pregnancy related hormone. There is some level disconnect between Dr. H’s opinion and Dr. C’s opinion on med. They both want me on progesterone indefinitely (Dr. H said up to 12 weeks should be fine) but he told me to stop my estradiol pills and coninue my patch until 12 weeks. Dr. C wants me on all my meds until 16 weeks. They both agree that the progesterone will help baby to grow and push the SCH out. Also, stopping the lack of progesterone may cause the uterus to cramp and irritate it more, thus causing more bleeding. Yay.
So I will double check everything with my OB on Monday morning.

We also got some of my billing set up and cleared away. And established that I will be on bed rest for another 2 weeks until my NT scan. 😦
This worries me because my kids are going to begin falling behind. I’m going to have to write very detailed lesson plans and both of my normal subs are not avaliable next week. I need to make some phone calls. *sigh* I have deadlines to make and artwork to create. I know it will all work out but right now its stressing me out. 
Add it to the list!!

Anyway, this visit was a nice change. I wore actual clothes, instead of sweat pants, and attempted some makeup. It was a nice evening out. Haha scary when a doctors visit is something to look forward to like that. But my appointments always last so long since I know everyone and they all check on me. Such amazing, sweet people!

In other news, we have finally decided to buckle down and commit to some names. People have started asking if we have names picked out. We decided to start telling people that we do have names but haven’t decided yet, even if we have. I have found that if you share a name you like, people are quick to give their not so nice opinion on how bad your choice is. That can easily ruin a name for anyone! So we will keep it under wraps until we have picked. Not much someone can say when you have already picked the name, then its just rude! Hehe 😉

Names are hard, though!!! We have 2 girls names that really “speak” to both of us, but no boy names. I just finished Names To Live By, and 100,000 Baby Names. I actually read through both since I have so much time on my hands. Lol
Tonight we will spend some more time looking and discussing. We just can’t agree on anything. We will see. Hopefully one of these names on my ever growing boys list will speak to us!

I guess that is it for now. I just finished Private Practice, watching one of the characters begin IVF. They made her a crazy hormonal mess on the meds! Lol

Hello, couch! Just you and me tonight! I wonder who will come to babysit us next week? 🙂