My Trip to the ER

Interesting and frustrating weekend.
This was the first weekend I allowed myself to get out and do stuff. In a long time. The last few weekends I have spent my time laid up on the couch relaxing and avoiding Dr. Google.
But this weekend we had a family reunion, an Octoberfest party to attend and a dear friend to visit with. It was busy.

Friday I was a hormonal mess. I called Barry ranting and raving in a belligerent rage. And even though I knew how irrational I sounded I couldn’t stop myself. That was very frustrating. It felt like an out of body experience.
Even after begrudgingly apologizing, I continued to sulk in my personal anger. Next morning, I was totally fine. lol

Saturday we had a family reunion. If the family didn’t know I was pg before, they know now. It’s become difficult to hide it with my bloated tummy. Family proceeded to gush over me in excitement. I just kept telling them not to get too excited since it is so early still. But I felt fine Friday and felt great on Saturday.

After the reunion I bravely bought one pair of maternity work slacks and one pair of jeans…I’m too scared to commit to more right now, though I really should.
So for now I have a hairband keeping my regular jeans together and I wear only baggy shirts.

I had 2.5 days of no spotting, which was amazing! I was starting to feel even more comfortable, seeing that clear cm!
Then this afternoon it returned.

On and off spotting is really what concerns me.
So I called my nurse since the spotting was random and brought on by nothing. No exam, no sex, nothing. She wasn’t worried and told me to go home to rest. An hour later I’m sitting on the couch writing this exact entry when I cough. As soon as I did, I could feel the warm gush. I ran to the restroom to find bright red bleeding.
Sprung into action, I called my nurse who immediately asked me to go to the ER. We drove to Houston because she made it appear as if I would get to see my doctor if we were in the medical center.
I was admitted at 7pm and had bloodwork and urine samples collected. Then we just waited. Apparently it was a busy night in the ER. Everyone was very nice and helpful but it was just a lot of waiting. (And a lot of scary people in there…)
I was proud. I stayed calm and patient the whole time. Finally I got wheeled to a super fancy ultrasound machine and silently waited as the technician prepped me.
He did an external first, which was my first time to have that done. I watched the screen with my heart in my throat waiting for him to say anything.
Then I saw the heartbeat and even saw the baby moving around. Ok. I can beathe now. Which meant I cried.
I cried and watched the screen. We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time too.
Tech elluded to nothing…just said the baby had a heartbeat and my cervix was closed and took pictures/recorded meaurements.
We were brought back to the ER where I was finally given a bed at close to 11pm. The ER doctor on call came in, told me the baby looked fine and that he would do a pelvic exam. Both of us were blown away because the doctor looked terrfied as he said this.
He then had me lay on a flat bed, propped my bottom up using a tiny hard bedpan and tried to insert the speculum using some kind of twisting method. Painful and unsuccessful since he was unable to see anything. He then attempted to feel ther cervix to make sure it was closed and stated, “Well, it feels closed, so I think you are fine.” You THINK?! …seriously?
Obviously this guy had no clue what he was doing. Awesome.

He went back to relay the message to my doctor who looked over everything and said I was fine. ER doc began discharge paperwork. We left at 1am. -_-
So tired!!!!

I went for a follow up this morning. The bleeding seems to have stopped completely, just some old blood at this point. Dr. C saw me right away. He was very upset about the way everything went down, apparently, and eager to check me to make sure I was ok. The nurse had swabs and culture stuff set up but he refused to do them, citing that I had already been poked and prodded enough. Thanks, Dr. C!! 🙂 My poor insides are a bit sore.
He took one look at the baby and the reports from last night and was satisfied. Baby looked great. He reassured me everything was fine and that all he wants to see at this point is a baby that is moving around and a strong heartbeat.
My urine sample did reveal a slight UTI. Awesome. Apparently if something might happen during pregnancy it will happen to me. AND he was able to figure out what caused the bleed: a subchorionic bleed. Also apparently common.
I have been put on more antibiotics and a week of bedrest.
Which led to a fluster of HR department phone calls to try to get my FMLA coverage situated. *deep sigh* As a teacher I only get 7 days in a WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR of sick leave. Yes, you read correctly. I had already used 3 of those days for the egg retirval and embryo transfer and one for today leaving me with 3 for the rest of the year. Not going to work, clearly. So I have to get that paperwork in order.

That was my scary visit. Everything seems to be fine, baby is doing great, bleeding has stopped and I have a free week off work. Nothing about getting pregnant or this pregnancy is going to be “normal”. But my family has been amazing through it all!!! My in-laws, mother and grandparents met us at the ER and have offered so much help.
Barry’s cousin was up until 1:30am praying for us, my fertility friends all over the world have been praying, my co-workers and close friends have been nothing but supportive.
And through it all I have had a sense of peace and hope.

Thank you, Lord!!! Life is good right now and I am another day pregnant.

Blog Blog Blog!

Feeling pretty good today! 8 weeks and 2 days 🙂 Just tired all the time. Normal.
We started gearing up for our big 12 week scan, which brought up a huge number of questions. Let me back up, what started the questions were my new hormone levels: my estradiol level dropped over 300 points. I never heard a word from Dr. H so I assumed it wasn’t as issue, but it still bothered me. And surprisingly enough, there is little info about this on Dr. Google. The focus seems to be on progesterone and hCG.
Then there was: Who does the 12 week scan? How do I schedule this scan? What should I expect to see at this scan? How many u/s will I get after Dr. H releases me? Will my hormones be monitored after stopping my meds at 10 weeks? Genetic testing?

Off to the phone with Super MJ I went! She is amazing, let me tell you. Her and Kelli are THE reason I am staying with an office that is way out of my way. She eased all my fears and answered all my questions.
Estradiol question? Normal pregnancies are around 100 so my numbers are super high and a drop/variation is nothing to worry about. They will be monitoring my levels the week I ween myself off my meds, and if anything looks abnormal they will address it.

Dr. H is certified to do the 12 week scan and then they have 2 other referring doctors. If Dr. H decided not to do my scan then they will set me up with the proper doctor and get that going soon.

The huge thing she mentioned: normally at this stage, fertility patients begin to alternate between Dr. H and Dr. C until Dr. H releases me. Which means I actually have another appointment set up on Monday! 🙂 yay!!
And given our history and Dr. C’s protective nature over our case, we will have ultrasounds every time he sees me until about 18-20 weeks and then every 4 weeks until delivery.
So yay for that!
Now I just need to figure out how my insurance and this billing situation works for pregnancy. The Atena website is of little help, besides making me anxious at the sight of all those claims. All I see are $$ signs.

Good stuff for today:
-Got to have dinner with my family and satisfy my craving for a hamburger.
-Found the perfect nursery rug: Cuteness!
-MJ rules!!!
-Kids had a good day and I rocked the grade book/all my duties
-Founds this awesome website with scans from each week of pregnancy: 1st Trimester Scans

Not So Good Stuff:
-Tummy feels yucky full even though I am not. Stupid burger
-Apparently when I am bloated I have a huge moon face (Thanks, Sis!)
-Spotting has continued since the u/s on Tuesday, which I know is normal but I hate…and I swore it had tappered off but I guess not.
-My haircut appointment for tomorrow was cancelled by my normal girl, so now I’ve got a stranger. Sadness!

Additional Symptoms: (add these to the list from Tuesday…yuck)
-started gagging on nothing…awesome

Living Ultrasound To Ultrasound

I’m seriously going to drive myself nuts. Lol my weekend has consisted of nothing but self prescribed bed rest. I’m so bored but I just don’t know how to handle this. The spotting has not gotten worse and only happens some of the times I go to the restroom. It varies from tinted pink, to light tan and sometimes I swear I see normal cm.
Last week my cm was that beautiful creamy white/clear. I miss it. 😦

Then of course I spend my time researching miscarriage symptoms, and comparing my symptoms to those of others.
I think I have started imagining symptoms. Is that back pain with my “spotting”? Are those uterine cramps?…are they normal?
Ugh… everything says that if one of these symptoms comes with another then it is likely miscarriage (back pain with cramps, or cramps with bleeding, etc). I know that if this pregnancy is coming to an end there is nothing I can do or should have done differently.
And its hard to not focus on every thing my body is doing. I’m probably noticing normal pregnancy stuff that people would never notice but I’m a freak of nature. I will honestly say that if I’m busy doing something I don’t notice any symptoms.

My mom says I should work on the nursery to distract myself. I think that will make me more crazy.
Work does need to hurry up and get here so I can focus on other things. And so Wednesday will hurry and get here.
I do wish the spotting would go away. Nothing about this process has been “normal” and I just want normal. I want to be able to feel as if I can relax and I’ve been alternating between panic and calm all day.

I want to be able to feel safe to shout to the world: I am pregnant!! But I know in life there are no promises. I know that we have come so far and beat so many odds already. And I know that when I take it easy I “feel” better.
This is something I need to give up! Give this worry and fear to God and wait and pray.
I’m living between ultrasounds and forcing myself to think positive. Dangit!!

UPDATE: spotting went away Monday evening but was replaced with a yellow discharge and maybe a booty rash?
I do have an on/off sore lower back, posterior pelvic pain and I feel every twinge/pull of my uterus. Of course this worried me when the spotting was involved. But my cm is so minimal (also wondering if that is normal or not) it was hard to tell today if the spotting was still even there.

Pregnancy symptoms are still minimal as well.
My u/s appointment has been moved up to tomorrow to make sure I don’t have an infection and that all is well with out little peanut.
There will be good news tomorrow. I will not worry about my symptoms, I will not research infections and their possible links to miscarriage and I will not be negative.
More good news is coming our way!!