Positive Patsy!

That is who I am supposed to “be” right now. I’m trying! Lord give me strength!!
The light tan cm seems to be dimishing. Only a few streaks of it mixed in with my regular cm right now, but I am watching it like a hawk!
I got my hCG levels back from yesterday and we are now at 10,874. I would say that is very good. It is above average for 5 weeks and it made me feel much better. For whatever reason, I am really letting this negative energy get me down!
I had a dream last night I was miscarrying and today I was sure I would hear bad numbers from the doc. But nope! Our little sweat pea is holding on strong. AND I am being treated as a totally normal pregnancy, minus all the ultrasounds.

I’ve been saying this for a while, but I really need to get over all this and just relish is the moment. I am pregnant and for right now, that has to be enough.
I bought my first pair of pregnancy pants. This was not the exciting moment I imagined. lol Neat in a way, but embarrassing to only be 5 weeks into a singleton pregnancy and need new pants. I’m not doing anything different, just packing on those pounds.

Doc wants me on progesterone until 10 weeks. 😦 My poor little back side is all sad. Today a student hugged me and patted my lower back, sending waves of pain over my sore muscles.
Guess it’s time to go through the goodie bag I got yesterday and see if I can use anything in there.

Before I forget, found this awesome article yesterday: Early Fetal Development

3rd Beta

3rd beta is 1057. It’s 31 shy of being perfectly double. I know the levels double every 48-72 hours, so I am within the range and it is soooo close.
My nurse seemed happy with the number and at least it didn’t go down (Thank you, Lord!!).
From everything I have read, as long as it is going up and close to double, the only real indicator of a healthy pregnancy is an ultrasound.
If my number are at least close to doubling, I should be above 4,000 by Monday or Tuesday next week.
No more betas until next Wednesday…which makes me sad. At least with a beta I feel like I know a little bit about what is going on in there.

Time to go rest and put my feet up.

“Little Victories” Isn’t Working!!

I’m worried about my next beta and I just realized our first scan is an estimated 9 days away (hCG has to get above 4000 for the first scan). So far away!!

Yesterday I had a student go off in my room (Mom is convinced my job is too dangerous). I instinctively grabbed him to restrain, since I am still CPI certified. He, of course, resisted and that was when I realized grabbing him was a terrible idea for a pregnant lady.
I guess I still need to get used to that idea. Pregnant.
I had some cramps afterwards, which of course panicked me. I spoke to my nurse and doctor who both said, “Nothing to worry about”. Go home, rest, feet up, lots of fluids.
I keep looking up other womens’ stories to find some comfort.
Lifting their toddlers, having jobs that require them to lift heavy objects, working out throughout the pregnancy…but it doesn’t make me feel better.

I just don’t want to have messed this up after all this hard work. Google has assured me that chromosomal abnormailities cause miscarriage, not lifting a massive 5 year old in a restraint position.

I had an acupuncture appointment right after work yesterday, so that did help me feel a bit more relaxed. And Barry was amazingly helpful/sweet. When I got home, he had a little place set up for me to have my legs propped up, lots of water and a book. He made dinner and we watched a movie.
I feel better today. I don’t want to spend this entire pregnancy worrying. But we don’t have a normal pregnancy.
😦 I hate all this worrying!