Dedication Preparation

Today was filled with deep reflection, prayer and hope. My mother and I attended Thatcher’s memorial service to celebrate his life. The service was very nice…The church was filled with hundreds of people that he had touched, the pictures of his life were moving and Eric’s speech was beautiful. As we remembered Thatcher, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of renewed hope for Eli’s future and greatfulness for his life.

Hoping the Paul family feels a sense of peace tonight knowing that their son has touched so many.

Expanding upon the theme of hope, we had our training class for Eli’s dedication tonight. We are excited to dedicate him. It’s a huge statement and emotionally charged commitment- hope for Eli’s future.
I’ve dreamt of the moment for years- watching as other parents dedicate their little ones, beaming with pride on the stage while the congregation “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” over how adorable they are.
My mom and sister helped me pick out his special outfit and Barry is writing a letter to be read to Eli during the ceremony.

The church requires a training class prior to the dedication. The overall theme seemed to be “legacy”- what we will leave behind, how we will be defined and what our children would say about us.
On a day like today, that seemed a loaded question. I began to wonder what our Eli would say about us after we are gone…what things we might have taught him and the kind of person he would be. Hope excitedly grew in my heart- the future looks so amazing for him.
The class leader then asked us to “begin with the end in mind”…to reflect on our child 25 years from now. Who would our child be? What would their legacy be? Imagine your child dedicating their own children. What would your child become?
Again, I tried to imagine this for our son.
To help us envision this future, the class leader began to list examples of what he envisioned for his kids so many years ago. He focused on: the next 18 years, grand kids, and college.
That’s when I realized just how different our vision for Eli is from those of the other parents gathered at out table.
And I began to worry…are these rhetorical questions or do we have to share our thoughts? Do I explain to the class that Eli has Ds? That I want so much for him but our goals are different than typical parents? (thankfully the questions were meant for self reflection. Whew! Cause I had some deep stuff going on in my mind!)
Ours isn’t simply an 18 year commitment, go off to college and get married type of thing. I mean, it could be. We don’t know the future. We sure do want awesome things for Eli.
But I guess what hit me was how differently I viewed that future.
In my mind, what I saw for Eli was: inspirational speaker, child of God, happy, loved and cared for by family. While the rest of the class laughed about hurrying their kids along to college and independent adulthood.

My mom said that she hoped Thatcher’s memorial service had put things into perspective for me. It did. I’m not sad for Eli’s future and we have big big dreams for him. But the realization of how different these dreams are from those of other parents hit me hard today. I guess this is bound to happen more and more- seeing Eli’s differences. At first it made me anxious but after reflecting, I know it’s not a bad thing, just a different perspective than most parents.

What the class made me realize is how bold and exciting Eli’s future is- that we want to work on building a true legacy for him. A lasting one that isn’t rooted in societal norms. That is our commitment to Eli- to bring him up with strong morals and conviction, for him to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and for him to inspire others.

So greatful for a new day and for renewed hope.

Stim Day 3

YAY!!! MENOPUR DIDN’T BURN LAST NIGHT! 🙂
I tried it in my thigh and injected super slow and it was just fine. I’m not going to lie…I avoided it like crazy and was shaking! lol The pain from the first injection was just that bad. So there is the tip of the day! Inject Menopur slowly!

Last night we went to the Wednesday night prayer service and what a blessing! We had an awesome prayer partner who prayer for our IVF and so did the pastor. We also prayed specifically for different things in huge groups (mine was for the schools)and I wound up standing next to this woman who has an amazing gift of prayer. It was quite intimidating but you know, I will take the challenge. I have a hard time praying out loud but I always thought my private prayers were pretty good. Yeah…wow, did I get a wake up call!
Our pastor also challenged us to pray right then. You know when someone tells you something they are going through and either ask for prayer or you say, “I will be praying for you”. Instead, just ask if you can pray right then and there. Hard habit to break but a worthy cause.
Nate did it last night to me. hehe We were driving back and he said he had been praying for us and asked how we were doing. When I finished updating him, I said, “Lots of prayer please!” and he responded, “Can we pray right now?” YES! 🙂
*sigh* Thanks for keeping things in perspective, Lord. I still have so much to learn.

Anyway, needless to say yesterday was a much better day. Today we have meet the teacher and a huge district meeting at Fellowship. So I’m all dressed up and looking cute 😉
Hope everyone has an awesome day! It’s Thursday and Friday is nearly here, which means another scan to check my progress. yay!

P.S. New favorite morning pick me up- Mandisa: Good Morning

I thought it was corny the first time I heard it but now it’s liek I need to hear it!! 🙂 hehe Get jazzed up for this new day!!

Rain and Worry

IT RAINED!!! We finally got some much needed rain and it wasn’t even in the forecast! 🙂 2 years ago, before we had a house, I never cared about the rain, but now it means free water for my dried up yard! lol Rain!

Went to Woodsedge today and it was as awesome as ever. God is really moving in that place and He challenged Barry and I today for sure!
While I am sitting there, all I could think about was the fact that AF hasn’t shown up yet. It’s kinda hard to tell anyhow since I’ve been spotting on and off for 40+ days…but no cramps, no AF. Just my normal stuff. So I’m worried that if I don’t have AF soon we will have to cancel this cycle.
But by the time we left church I had a sense of peace and I was ok with the idea. If we have to cancel then we have to cancel. It’s not the end of the world and I still have enough of all my meds to do another cycle. Plus, I want my body to be in the best condition possible so we have the best chances for success.
I was supposed to call my doctor over the weekend if AF showed up, but now I am thinking I need to email him to at least let him know what’s going on. I hate to bother him, and I know as soon as I do it AF will show up, but I think he needs to know.

In other news, I’ve been feeling super bloated!! My face feels puffy and I feel tired. I don’t like it! 😛 I put on my new dress I bought over the weekend to wear to church and left thinking I was looking good. When we got home, I had Barry take some photos of me for meet the teacher night and my art website…and I hated nearly all of them.
This is the one we ended up with and it took too many pictures to get it. buh…
I just felt like I looked bloated or tired. I haven’t felt so down on myself in a while. I sucked down water yesterday and I plan to continue. Maybe that will help.
I think getting back to work and actually being more active will help too. I got way too lazy over the summer and I need to change that now.
Well…I guess until Tuesday (when I have my first scan) or when AF shows up, I will have nothing new to report!!