So I have been working since we became pregnant on finding an OB to support a VBAC. I love love love my OB and his staff- they are family. But he doesn’t feel comfortable with a VBAC. He used to do them but doesn’t anymore. I get it. It’s risky business. But I want the chance to try. When I was in labor with Eli, I had no idea. I felt great and showed up the hospital only because Barry insisted. I was 6-7cm dilated when I arrived. I could have totally had a baby right then.
But I had a c section because Eli was breech and I am ok with that. I know what to expect. It was not terrible for me and I know looking back it wasn’t ideal, but not a huge deal.

My fears at this point would be that each birth is different and who knows how I will feel after my surgery? (With Eli, I was walking around the next day and off all pain meds by day three.) I will have 3 small children to take care of and I can’t afford to be laid up in bed recovering.

I know, I know. A VBAC has risks. I could still be laid up recovering even if I did have a VBAC. Not to mention all the other risks: http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10210

I am also concerned about the process. C section limits my time with Wyatt. I would not be able to hold him immediately, breastfeed or anything like that. All things I want- instead of just his head poked over the curtain for a quick look. :/

It’s been hard to find a doctor who would consider working with me. My only true viable options are: 1- to stick with my OB now (who will likely string me along until I am too far along to change doctors, then tell me: my baby is too big, my pelvis is too small, it’s too risky, he won’t stay for my whole labor…the list goes on and it equals no VBAC). 2- Home birth, which scares the poop out of me. If I hadn’t already had a c section, I wouldn’t think twice about it. I would have a home birth. But that’s just not the case and I want to make sure I am as safe as possible when it comes to birth.

But c section is not without risks too- especially repeat c section. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-sections/AN02070
We are so used to surgery that it’s become an every day thing. A c section is seen as no big deal. In my situation, both a c section and VBAC are concerns.

So what to do? I’m working with my doula on a plan we feel comfortable with. We are meeting with a midwife and I am talking with another OB. My doula is helping with more babay spinning techniques and we will just see where it goes.
When I was pregnant with Eli, I was so upset about my birth plan not going the way I wanted. Jealous even of other’s births.
Now, today, what I am worried about is having a healthy baby at the end. Yes I want a VBAC. But I don’t know how hard I am willing to fight for a VBAC.
It feels silly to even say that, but my baby and my health are most important. We will see…who knows? This baby my stay breech and then I won’t have a choice. -_- lol


Things have begun to settle down as we enter the last few weeks before we become a family of four. It’s a bit strange to think about. Barry says he thinks it feels that way because I’m not actually pregnant, so it’s different. Maybe that is the reason, but I also think it is because all we know is life with Eli. Things sure will be different once Ruby gets here.

We have most of the legal paperwork in order, cord blood kit is on it’s way, bags are packed, working with the doula on a birth plan…we are just waiting.

I finished up thank you cards for Ruby’s shower last night. It still moves me to tears to think about all the love and support we have gotten through this process. Thank you so so much to everyone! We have amazing friends and family for sure.

I recently joined an adoptive parent support group on FB (they have groups for everything these days!!) And it has pushed me even more into the idea of adoptive breastfeeding. If you followed our story with Eli, you know how important I feel like that relationship is. Because I am not actually carrying her, I long even more for the connection that breastfeeding provides.
I spoke with my lactation consultant about it early on, and did some research, but then let it kind of go to the back of my mind.
Breastfeeding nearly killed me last time- I was so tired all the time, and got sick often. It was very rough but so worth it.
I don’t know how much more prepared I am this time around, but I would like to try. If I can’t do it, then I won’t. But the new group I am a part of has really inspired me to try. I will be trying a quick protocol, so I will keep everyone updated on the fun of all that 😉 I know you want to know.

In other news, therapy is going well. Eli is so clever and impresses me daily. Today we worked on sorting shapes, putting things in and out of a bucket, and making animal sounds/signs when reading books. We also got AFO’s and SMO’s- we have been seeing a HUGE increase in his desire to want to stand and pull on objects since using them. He is a hardworking observer and we are so proud of him.

I’ve been working in my classroom and have a few photog sessions booked. I also got a head start on Ruby’s scrap book and I am nearly finished with Eli’s. I’ve had extra time lately because I haven’t been sleeping very well. I’m not sure if it’s anxiety or what, but I am just not tired when it’s time to go to bed. So instead I sew, craft and spend money lol This can’t be a trend for too long…I’m going to be in trouble! (I’be also created a secret board on Pinterest where I pin all my dream house ideas…because Barry IS going to get an awesome job soon and we ARE going to build a beautiful house on some land lol) Speaking of which, Barry is working hard at finding a job, and we finally own a printer. lol I guess that is it for now. 🙂 No new ultrasound pictures, as Miss Ruby Roo has been camera shy the last few times we have gone for a visit.
Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

For more information on adoptive breastfeeding go to: Ask Lenore

Slowing Down

Since my last post we have been pretty busy with your typical day-to-day hustle. It’s nice honestly. 🙂
Often I get caught up in the stress when I should be focused on how I’m blessed. So to say not much has been going on isn’t a bad thing.
We are in the last week of school and I missed 2 days of it being sick and taking care of sick Eli.
Apparently I have a viral cough. Never had that in my adult life before. It sucks. It required an inhaler. It destroyed my milk supply. 😦 (so if you’re keeping track, we went 6.5 months EBF, and he’s nearly 8 months and still nursing twice a day! Yay!)

Then Eli got it. Plus nasty diapers and a 101.3 fever.
We survived our first fever though. It was rough. I didn’t panic…instead I sought the sage advice of my mom and Facebook friends. 😉 by the end of the evening Eli was covered in lime juice and naked except his diaper and vinegar-soaked socks. (Don’t ask…Lol) I’m not sure if it was the Tylenol, the pedialite, or my mommy snuggles, but we finally beat the fever in the wee morning hours.

When he doesn’t feel well he just flops around and wants to be held.
I literally held Eli from Monday evening around 5 until Tuesday night at 8pm when I put him to bed. At least it sure feels that way…

I just peeled off my snotty shirt (thanks, buddy) and crawled into bed.
The illness prevented me from going to 2 play dates and Christmas shopping but it was nice to snuggle with my little man.

He’s becoming less little! I had to clean out his drawers again to move up to the next size in clothes (6 months! Yahoo!). Still a size 1 in shoes haha
It was bittersweet to pack those tiny things away. I want him to get bigger but I don’t at the same time.
I faced the same battle this afternoon. He was feeling a bit better and I had just gotten off the phone with ECI (ugh…). I was feeling defeated and Eli had been floppy for 2 days. I didn’t want to cuddle anymore, I wanted him to crawl.
Just to get some fresh air, we went out into the yard and he got into 4 point!! I was even able to let go for a second! I was so proud but instantly sad! I know, I’m crazy. Lol but it’s true! I want him to succeed but I am sad because he won’t be little forever.

Part of my wonders if I’m being forced to slow down for a reason. Beside the obvious…cause I’m always running. But I wonder if God is foreshadowing the future of our family. And it scares me to even admit it, but I wonder if after all we went through to get Eli…will I ever be able to do it again? Or should I be enjoying these moments with my first and last?
It’s a valid thought! I know how very lucky we are to even have Eli…just wonder if we can get that lucky again. Once and infertile always. I don’t know if that will ever go away.

I know…there is a plan and I need to trust that. So instead of being focused on my random wonderings, I need to enjoy what we have now. And it’s pretty dang awesome. 🙂

Ok ok…what else is new? Hoping I’ve made progress with ECI. I asked our case manager if she had an update and her response was that she’s on vacation and hasn’t heard anything. So I contacted her supervisor and we have a name! So maybe now that we know who our new OT is going to be, we can move forward!

Next week we go to get Eli’s aids fitted. I’m anxious but excited about the potential there. We will see how that goes.

I think that’s about it. Slowing down (not in my nature, thanks viral cough…clearly it’s what I needed…) and enjoying the season. I still have some shopping to do and food to plan. Now if only this Texas weather would cooperate. I don’t think it got the message that Christmas is in a week!

Hope everyone has an awesome winter break!