One More Monkey

ashley announcement low resThere were four in the bed and Eli said, “Roll over! Make room for one more!”
Baby Newman #3 is due April 2014!

So you know how I said the fun never ends over here?? Well surprise!!! After such a struggle to get pregnant in 2010, we never thought in a million years we would ever get pregnant on our own. Especially with everything else we have going on…job hunt, new baby…this was the last thing on our minds. And we know, “they” say it always happens when you stop thinking about it…but we never thought we would be blessed that way again. And we were ok with that.
In my heart, I knew we weren’t done and that I wanted more children, but we were also very ok with our current situation. Afterall, we have a 16 month old miracle and a newborn blessing from heaven! We have our hands quite full! I knew when the kids were older, I would want to try IVF or even adoption again. But it’s just not about our timing, it’s God’s timing. And it’s perfect.

Man, we thought Eli was the game changer!

So here are my secret diaries. We had actually begun TTC again at the first of the year, so I kept notes on that and on Baby Newman #3 here:
photo 1photo 22/6/13- Well, here we are again. I recently stopped breastfeeding and waited for my cycle to return. I didn’t want to stop, but when Eli was 8 months I got a a horrible sinus infection that wiped out my supply. I dried up. Which was nice in a way, because I didn’t have to experience the painful weening process. But I am sad that those days are over and super grateful for the experience. 🙂
—-Clomid rx and happy follicle on u/s.
So AF returned and as a family, Barry and I decided we were ready to start trying for baby number 2. I know that sounds so soon. Eli is only 9 months old. But our way isn’t the same as everyone else. We can’t afford IVF right now, and we are really enjoying our time with Eli.
We are starting slow. My OB wants us to try Clomid for the next 6 months and see what happens. In our case, it would be like us saying, "We aren’t trying but we aren't preventing it either". We just need the "leg up" so to speak.
I'm on 150mg of Clomid for 5 cycle days. It makes me crazy. I'm emotional, sick to my stomach, restless, unable to sleep, hot flashes, dizzy…and it's so hard to keep taking the meds when I know they make me feel so bad. I keep saying, "3 more days…2 more days…" just to get through. On the other side of the meds I feel better 🙂 So that's a plus.
My follies have had a slow start this cycle. Not sure how my cycles will look coming out of breastfeeding, so we will just have to play it by ear. I believe I will be triggering the week of the 11th…I find out on Friday.
Trying to sort through my emotions on all of this. It's hard not to be "that girl" again..the infertile one who obsesses about her cycle and possible pregnancy symptoms. But my heart immediately skips a beat at the thought of another baby. I'm just so hopeful and excited.
I'm just praying I don't let getting pregnant take over my life and that God will make it clear which direction we should proceed.
Opening the door and stepping through. 🙂

2/13/13- Half way through our first TTC cycle. It’s surreal. We ran into some issues after triggering, which was on Friday. Emotions were high and our hearts were playing with our heads.
How do you not go back to that place where you struggled to get pg? Prior to our miscarriage we were cool, calm and relaxed about the whole thing. As our TTC journey continued, we became more emotional…more was at stake. Both of us felt responsible for our inability to create a baby. We both felt like we were letting the other one down. BDing became a chore. It was horrible. I think we lost a part of ourselves and our relationship during that tough time. I’m so glad we aren’t there right now.
BUT…it all came flooding back really fast this past weekend. The fear, the guilt…it was difficult to remember why we would be feeling that way.
Barry and I had to sit down and talk it all out- sort through our emotions and remind ourselves that it’s not a race, this is supposed to be fun and let the rest of this go. No stress, no guilt…just us. If we have to revisit the world of IF then so be it, but right now we just want to try on our own.
My cycles probably won’t be normal for a while, so while I am technically in my 2WW, I don’t feel pressure to test or know.
Interesting journey already.

2/18/13- I’m on CD27 and I’ve been feeling weird. But I’m very good at being fake pregnant so I’m not holding my breath.

3/25/13- Today has been weird. I’m on CD31 so I POAS but it was negative. I normally do that just to give myself peace of mind- “ok, I’m not pregnant so I can have a glass of wine and lay off the aresnal of vitamins I am on right now”…that kind of thing. But yesterday AF was due and nothing. I don’t really even feel anything- normally I can tell AF is about to start or coming on. Nothing.
So I waited all day, still no Af and I tested again this morning.
The test was invalid. A very very faint line showed up in the results window but it was facing the wrong direction. It’s a cheapie store brand test with blue dye. Blue dye has been unlucky in my experiences, lots of invaild results. Today was no different.
I go for my bloods this afternoon so we will know something by Wednesday. Of course because I am going for a blood draw, AF will start.
Just makes it hard when your cycles aren’t regular after having a baby and breastfeeding for 8 months.
EDIT: Bloods negative, hello AF and vino!

3/31/13- AF is here, and we are celebrating Easter with family. Some crazy stuff happened in regards to the adoption post. More on that later…

7/26/13- AF was due the day before but a no show. I’ve been texting my BFF about wanting to POAS just in case, but we both decide I should wait until the morning and if nothing, then I would go pick one up. I don’t feel anxious and I’ve decided not to tell Barry of my suspicions. No reason to worry him over being one day late. Meanwhile, I have been busy preparing for Ruby. I have my Lact-Aid and Domperidone ready to go, but I haven’t begun my AB protocol. I don’t know why I don’t just dive in, but something is holding me back.
I’ve been unable to sleep- likely stress. Bloated and tired. I don’t know…

Later…
This afternoon I am having a friend over. I joked that she should pick a test up for me on her way…she did. It’s just a Dollar Store cheapie and in all my POAS experience I’ve never actually used one of these.
It needs a cup and uses a dropper. Just 3 little drops of my sample and I stare at the test. Maybe I see a line, but I think I’m just really wanting to see something because it’s in my infertile nature. I clean up in the bathroom and go put it on the counter and pretend I’m going to wait for two minutes. But of course I only wait 30 seconds before checking again. It’s positive. BFP.
No freaking way…
I said a lot of bad words and my hands are instantly shaking…
And then I yelled for Barry, who had vanished during all of this.
I find him in our bathroom…and I yell through the door that I think I am pregnant. LOL It was a special moment, for sure.
All the while my friend is just laughing and smiling so huge.
When Barry rejoins us in the den, we hug and laugh and cuss together. It’s unreal honestly and I immediately want an HcG test to confirm what I think must be a false positive. Because stuff like this just doesn’t happen.
MJ and Kelli are amazing and I have my results by 8:00pm. HcG number 400, Progesterone 19. Definitely pregnant! Can’t believe this is happening!

7/30/13- Been feeling crampy since we found out. Pretty normal. Had an u/s today and everything looks typical. Which felt weird and amazing to be told, but it’s still so early. Could only see one little dot in there.
Came home and started progesterone and shortly after had a bit of spotting. Made me feel a but deflated because of what we have already been through-
But it could just be from the ultrasound itself. Being pregnant is so stressful! Lol

7/31/13– HcG 2364 Progesterone 20.2 no other abnormalities. Going to avoid stressing and focus on the positives. 🙂

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8/18/13- Wound up in the ER today for bleeding. Baby is measuring perfectly. They have no idea why I’m bleeding. The doctor said I was a puzzle and to be on pelvic and bed rest until bleeding is resolved. That’s going to work while I have two little nuggets who need me. Lol
Glad the baby is ok. I’m giving this one to God- this is His baby and His plan. Help me through it no matter the outcome!

8/29/13- I haven’t updated in a while. We found out on Monday at my follow up from the ER that I actually have a
SCH (subchorionic hematoma)
. I had one when I was pregnant with Eli too.
Everything else is as normal as could possibly be. I’m on light duty, so I can’t lift Eli. 😦 and the bleeding is alarming for sure. But every time I go in for an ultrasound we are assured that baby Newman is perfectly fine.
Despite the fact that I’m nervous as all get out, we are at the end of our 9th week and I’m having an amazing photog friend come to take our pregnancy announcement pictures. Definitely feels good to be planning that. Starting to allow myself to day dream about this baby, shared rooms and more sweet baby snuggles.

8/9/13- I had the materniT 21 test today. The jury is out for a lot of parents who have already had children with DS and plan to have more children: to do the test or not do the test.
Personally the results of the test change nothing. If this baby has a chromosomal abnormality then it does. We plan and partner with our doctors and the hospital to be as best prepared as possible. This baby has always been Gods and that doesn’t change just because of a diagnosis. This was His design and this is supposed to be happening. I feel stronger and ready to face any thing that’s in store for our family- however ungracefully.
Chances are slim that this baby is anything but typical.
The spotting has gone and I am off light duty. Everything is progressing normally…which is music to our ears. I go back to work in just two weeks! I have mixed emotions about this return, but we are ready for the big things God has in store for our family! 🙂 I will make sure to update more on the pregnancy as it progresses 🙂 Thank you everyone for your love, support and prayer! God is simply amazing- to think only three years ago we thought we would never have children and now we will have 3! 🙂 Blessed!

Too Good To Be True…Probably

I know that constipation is a part of this and my poor little booty is paying the price.
But today while trying to go to the bathroom, I swore I saw some light spotting.
I honestly couldn’t tell if it was my poor little booty or vaginal spotting. Awesome.
I’ve been obessively checking (as much as my job will allow) and so far nothing else. Maybe I was wrong…or maybe AF is just around the corner for me afterall. 😦
Feeling a bit like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest.

No AF = Weird

Today would have been the day AF was due (actually, really it was yesterday since I normally have a 31 day cycle…but my calculator added a day since my IVF cycle was 40 days).
It feels weird to think AF won’t be coming. You know how it goes…every month you think it is the last month and then she rears her ugly head.

My beta numbers, despite not being exactly double from the 2nd to the 3rd, seem to be very good to the doctor. He has already scheduled my first ultrasound! Originally, he scheduled me for one more beta next Wednesday, but now it is my ultrasound and beta.
I think seeing our little peanut will make this so much more real.

In other news, I had a bt of a freak out yesterday when it occured to me that my husband’s company is possibly going to be bought out…and that we would likely be switching insurance companies due to that.
I got worried because I don’t want this pregnancy to be considered a pre-existing condition and those insurance big wigs to deny us coverage.
On the up-side, we stand a good chance of Aetna assisting with the new order of meds, since they are pregnancy related. 🙂 I should hear from Apothecary today and get that stuff sorted out. That would be a huge relief!
I’m not sure how long I have to continue to get shots in the butt…all I know is the meds are not cheap and we are starting to get pretty low on funds.
I guess that is it for now. Hope to know more soon. The ultrasound is going to help ease some of the fears. I hope. lol