Mr. Lucky 10 Months

IMG_7308Age: 10 months
Weight: 19.6lbs
Size:18mo clothes, size 4 diapers
Eyes: light blue
Hair: thick and long dirty blonde hair that curls at the back of his head
Sleeping: 1 nap a day. waking 1-2 times at night.
Eating: nursing like a champ, and loves food! He started eating table food a few months ago when he snagged some food off his sisters plate. He eats like he has a mouthful of teeth. Still eats some baby purées but only so I can sneak in veggies. Otherwise he would rather be a big boy.
Milestones: talks all the time- says mama, dada, bye bye and hi, pulls to stand, crawling in four point and works hard to keep up with his siblings
Teeth: 1
Favorite toys/activities: likes books, being outside, being held (very clingy lately), and Elmo.
Words/sounds: seems to make most sounds at this point and says mama, dada, bye bye and hi. Signs all done and waves and claps.
Nicknames: Mr. Lucky
Looking forward to: him sleeping through the night!!! And walking so he can keep up with Ruby and Eli better.

I’ve been thinking about Wyatt’s birth a lot as we approach his first birthday. It’s beyond crazy to me to imagine that he might be my last baby. Maybe that’s why I’m holding on to our nursing relationship so hard. Or soaking up all the little baby moments and savoring them more and more.
(His sweet yet sour milky breath, his salty kisses, his milk drunk snuggles…)
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Part of me longs for another and yet, when I see another baby or hold one during one of my newborn session, I can’t imagine going backwards. We are finally in a place of more independence and interaction. All three kiddos do so well together and I have a handle on our schedules and daily lives.
Maybe it’s just the experience I long for? It’s hard to feel done when you struggled with fertility.
Perhaps I wonder if I could ever really get pregnant on my own again. Or be so blessed as to get another mild natured sweet babe?
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And yet the fear of pregnancy and complications (and having FOUR children) snaps me back into reality. Eli’s pregnancy was so difficult, and my pregnancy with Wyatt was much the same, I was just too busy with my other two to have time to worry. The stress of getting pregnant was removed since we weren’t trying, but my body is still my body…and it is difficult most times. From managing proper meds, to struggling with bleeding issues during the first trimester, I just don’t know if I would be up for all that again.
Eli’s diagnosis gave us time to let it all sink in and his birth was for sure a celebration. But Wyatt’s surprise sacral dimple sent me in a tizzy very quickly. It immediately altered my experience (rough pregnancy but redeeming birth and hospital stay). I was instantly terrified. Instantly questioning whether I was capable of raising another child with special needs. Worried and scared. It was nearly as raw a feeling as finding out that Eli has Ds. I imagine it is similar to a Ds birth diagnosis.
But lets face it, this whole parenting thing is difficult no matter how you look at it. Getting pregnant, staying pregnant and then raising children…it’s all scary, terrifying, raw, hard…and yet so amazing. I look back and wonder what I was ever afraid of. I wonder what ever held me back. Down syndrome? We got this. Adoption? We can do that. Delays? PPCD? Cool.
It’s kind of like drug free child birth, the pain is instantly forgotten and love takes over.

My unmedicated VBAC and Wyatt’s impending first birthday kind of brings it all full circle for me.
Oh, my sweet babies, I’m so thankful for the pain and so thankful for the love.
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