It’s been quite boring over here recently. I haven’t had the time I would like to have to dedicate to blogging. Not to mention nothing has been going on besides our normal every day stuff.
I have, however, been reading tons of other blogs that are full of inspiration! Like…big stuff! Stuff that puts this blogger to shame! lol
Over at Kimchi Latkes, she’s talking about how our country’s views disability—> State of the Union.
Over at With a Little moxie, she’s written exactly what’s in my brain, but better. —> How I’m Raising My Child with DS
I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around anything lately, other than our currently family situation. Barry’s job search, Eli’s therapies, Ruby’s milestones and Wyatt’s impending arrival…can we say overwhelmed? Money has been tight and I’ve been super stressed about the job search. With Wyatt coming, we will both be home and my disability will give me less than what I am used to making a month…and Barry’s unemployment ran out…and in May…well let’s just say, stuff is getting real. I am definitely not trying to use my blog to throw myself a pity party, but this is real life. This is where we are right now and I just need to put it out there so I can deal and move on.
So how are we doing it all? Well, lots of prayer to be honest. Our family has been super supportive and friends have worked hard to network for us, but it’s just not enough when it comes down to it. Some days I feel like we are just barely making it. Other’s, I’m filled with renewed hope and my faith pulls me through to the next day. Afterall, it’s not just Barry and I anymore- we have the kids to think about. And I know it will all work out…just being in my own head isn’t super fun lol
But, I’ve looked at this time as a HUGE blessing. Barry has been home with the kids since May 2013 and that has been amazing. He has gotten to be hands on with the kids, he knows their schedule, he takes care of the house…he’s super dad. Seriously, I wish you guys could see him in action. It often leaves me feeling like a bad mom! When Barry worked, I was in charge of my job plus the kids. I knew what Eli was doing in therapy, I kept up with the finances, I cleaned…Now…now when I’m home on the weekends or the evenings, our roles are switched.
Ruby is crying and Eli is fussing. I offer Eli crackers and hold Ruby.
Barry: “Eli is hungry for dinner, he just had a snack, that’s going to ruin his dinner.”
Me: “I didn’t know he had a snack…”
Barry: “And Ruby doesn’t like that. She’s tired and needs another nap…”
Me: “It’s 5pm…she has a nap before bedtime?”
Ugh…Makes you feel kind of useless. Over the weekend, I’m even more lost…bumbling around trying to figure out their schedules and feel helpful. But!!! I’m so grateful that if I can’t do it, then Barry is the one there doing it. Who else is better for the job?
This past weekend, I watched him. He’s amazing. He got everyone settled for the morning and fed…all 3 of them were busy playing in Ruby’s room. Barry was doing therapy with Eli, fitting it in where he could manage or where Eli would cooperate. While Ruby cooed and talked to him, watching them work. It was the sweetest sight!
I wouldn’t even know what to do for therapy because I haven’t sat in a therapy session in months (and when I have been there for one, he only wants to cuddle and not actually work lol!! Making me look bad, kid!). He just handled it all perfectly. And with a smile on his face. Is there anything sexier? 😉
I found myself instantly jealous and then instantly scared. Jealous because I so badly want to be a SAHM. And scared because he does so much- would I be able to handle it all? Would I be equipped to do it? He was such a huge help when Ruby was born, I really couldn’t do any of it without him.
But I know that I would. Happily.
Right now, Barry is continuing his job search while doing all of this. And I can honestly say that we have fully dove into God’s word and leaned on our faith during this time. The closer we get to May, the more we have learned to lean on Him instead of forcing a situation or relying on secular advice and personal opinions. He is refining us and our family. Rationally I know that, and have worked hard to keep calm. But it’s so easy to get caught up in my own fears and frustrations.
I just started a new Bible study and it focuses on exactly this. I find comfort in it and I know that we will get through this, just not in our time.
If you could continue to pray with us on this, we would appreciate it. 🙂
Up next: potty training and what we are doing in speech…