You see, getting this magazine today was more than ironic. It brought me back to the day we knew for sure Eli had Down syndrome.
The day my OBGYN called to deliver the results of the amnio I had a brand new Parents sitting on my coffee table. The image of the infant on the front, a chubby-cheeked baby that I had studied for days, may never leave my memory. His sweet face promised so much and begged me to day-dream about my newly create family.
My dear friend, Lisa, had just come by to drop off some of my students artwork from a show…she walked into the fire but I am forever grateful for her presence. She’s the one who held me as I crumbled to pieces on the living room floor.
The utter crushing pain still feels fresh despite how overwhelmingly happy we are today. It’s just such a raw moment- one I will never forget.
As Lisa tried to offer encouragement and love, I poured on the negativity.
The final blow…I picked up my Parents magazine and said something along the lines of: only beautiful children are on the covers of magazines. My child will never be seen this way. They only show happy healthy babies.
Another wave of sorrow hit me as I wallowed in self-pity. The ache is still so familiar, causing tears to well up even now. My baby wouldn’t look like other babies. He wouldn’t be the darling babe on the cover of the magazine. Mocking me.
I gave the magazine away to my newly pregnant friend.
How wrong I was. Gosh if I could scoop that sad person up from a year ago…hold her. Cry with her. And then show her the amazing life she had in store…just give her a little peak. Oh this boy who I love so much!!
This silly mamas heart. So full of love for the precious gift we have been given. I wish everyone could see just how lucky we feel to have our Eli.
And then today…just a few weeks over a year from the diagnosis, I got that little gem in the mail. A Parents magazine with a child that represents so many families just like us.
My heart skipped a beat…in a good way. 🙂 I look at the cover of my magazine and I wonder if someone told that family about this love I feel. About the joy their child will bring to their life. I wonder if the magazine touched someone like it did me.
So thanks, Parents. You have a big audience. Using your platform to spread hope, love, inclusion and acceptance sure did make my day.
Sure would like to see more of our kiddos grace your pages. Sure would like to share the joy of our life and our son with others. Share knowledge and maybe help some new mommy along the way. Wouldn’t that be something?
More good news to come but for now I’m leaving you with the hope Parents left me with tonight.