Thank You

20130111-192253.jpgToday I am grateful for my Parents magazine. Specifically the model on the cover. Isn’t she precious?! She also happens to have Spina Bifida.

You see, getting this magazine today was more than ironic. It brought me back to the day we knew for sure Eli had Down syndrome.
The day my OBGYN called to deliver the results of the amnio I had a brand new Parents sitting on my coffee table. The image of the infant on the front, a chubby-cheeked baby that I had studied for days, may never leave my memory. His sweet face promised so much and begged me to day-dream about my newly create family.
My dear friend, Lisa, had just come by to drop off some of my students artwork from a show…she walked into the fire but I am forever grateful for her presence. She’s the one who held me as I crumbled to pieces on the living room floor.
The utter crushing pain still feels fresh despite how overwhelmingly happy we are today. It’s just such a raw moment- one I will never forget.
As Lisa tried to offer encouragement and love, I poured on the negativity.
The final blow…I picked up my Parents magazine and said something along the lines of: only beautiful children are on the covers of magazines. My child will never be seen this way. They only show happy healthy babies.
Another wave of sorrow hit me as I wallowed in self-pity. The ache is still so familiar, causing tears to well up even now. My baby wouldn’t look like other babies. He wouldn’t be the darling babe on the cover of the magazine. Mocking me.
I gave the magazine away to my newly pregnant friend.

How wrong I was. Gosh if I could scoop that sad person up from a year ago…hold her. Cry with her. And then show her the amazing life she had in store…just give her a little peak. Oh this boy who I love so much!!
Silly me.
This silly mamas heart. So full of love for the precious gift we have been given. I wish everyone could see just how lucky we feel to have our Eli.

And then today…just a few weeks over a year from the diagnosis, I got that little gem in the mail. A Parents magazine with a child that represents so many families just like us.
My heart skipped a beat…in a good way. 🙂 I look at the cover of my magazine and I wonder if someone told that family about this love I feel. About the joy their child will bring to their life. I wonder if the magazine touched someone like it did me.

So thanks, Parents. You have a big audience. Using your platform to spread hope, love, inclusion and acceptance sure did make my day.

Sure would like to see more of our kiddos grace your pages. Sure would like to share the joy of our life and our son with others. Share knowledge and maybe help some new mommy along the way. Wouldn’t that be something?

More good news to come but for now I’m leaving you with the hope Parents left me with tonight.

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6 Replies to “Thank You”

  1. Absolutely love this post! So proud of you and all of the parents out there who raise such beautiful children like yours 🙂

  2. I can totally relate! I feel silly, and sometimes guilty, for the thoughts I had prenatally. In fact, I canceled my Parents subscription shortly after we received Eli’s diagnosis. I didn’t want the “perfectly typical” kids who hit all their milestones on time thrown in my face. Good for them for promoting inclusion and acceptance! Maybe I’ll restart my subscription.

    1. Exactly! But we shouldn’t feel quilty. Unless you have been where we are you will never understand. So much of this is part of the process. And on the days when I hate Ds I look and Eli and he could care less. He is happy and thriving and that gets me through.
      I was so glad to get this issue 🙂

  3. The joy that Eli’s perfection brings is crystal clear in every word of your blog, and I am sure it is just as evident in every minute of your life. He and millions like him belong on Parents cover, but while we wait, thank you for sharing him and your journey with all of us!

  4. I just wanted to tell you that last year I was told the baby I was carrying may have DS. Although he turned out not to, reading your blog while I was going through all the test to find out helped me so much. You were such an inspiration to me during a really scary time. So, I wanted to say thank you! Keep posting about that beautiful boy of yours because you never know who you might touch 🙂

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