Prayers Please

I had this whole long post written out. An honest one about how I’m not handling being a working mom as well as I was originally willing to admitt. It’s hard. I feel like someone else is doing my job and I’m worried I ask too much of his caregivers (or that I ride them too much with all my worry). I thought I was stronger. I thought I would be a better mom for working, but I aready have a job: Eli.

Instead of talking it all out, and then accepting what I cannot change, I’ve decided to switch gears. I need to pray about it as much as I talk about it. I can’t change the fact that I have a contract I need to fulfill. An obligation to my school and my kids.
And I can’t change the fact that being a one income household (regardless of said contract) isn’t possible.
So instead I am going to pray. Pray for a door to open that will provide for our family and enable me to focus on being Eli’s mom. Pray for it to be clear what we should do or how that will be accomplished. Most importatly for peace and for God’s will. It’s been a hard couple of years for us…it’s been hard to see God’s purpose in all of our struggles, but I can’t spend any more time being unhappy. We have so much to be greatful for and this is a good life.

To help me “deal”, we’ve decided I need more time with Little E. Instead of sneaking in an early morning nap after pumping, I will use that time to nurse Eli. That way it’s not just a kiss on the head and a quick goodbye until I see him 8 hours later.
In the meantime, I will seek new opportunities (photography? doula? art lessons?) that do not take away from our evenings and weekends (I’m funny, I know). As will Barry.

That’s all we can do. And I have to be ok with that.
Bring on the change. Bring on the new opportunities. Bring on the peace. Prayers please.

Advertisements

10 Replies to “Prayers Please”

  1. Praying for you! Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

  2. Could have written this post myself….I pray about this daily. It’s soooo hard being a working mom and feel like you don’t have enough time with your child(ren). I know I’m providing for them but at the same time feel like I can’t get this time back. It really is a struggle for me as well. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone!

    1. Thanks girl, I don’t know how any other woman does it honestly. I admire you for your hard work and appreciate the reminder- I know I’m not the first or the last. *sigh* But it gets easier, right?!

  3. Praying for you. And remember……nothing wrong with take-out now and then! And a lttle dirt in the house and laundry on the floor? A sign a loving family lives there! Go easy on yourself……..

  4. Thinking & praying for you. I was in your SAME place when Beau came along. I did teach for a following year but then God opened doors for us. It was crazy how it all came together. We ended up moving to a new city (closer to medical and better services for Beau), my husband got a new job, and now I’m staying at home. Having any kid is never easy on a working mom but the worries and stress with a special needs child can amplify that. Between dr. appts, therapy, and life in general it’s hard. Be patient and it will happen. He has a plan for you and precious Eli!! Your doing great and your a fabulous mom working or not!

    1. Thanks girl. It helps to know I’m not the only one. I hope that God will make it clear what we are supposed to do during this next year or so.
      And thanks for your prayers and support. 🙂 it means so much!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s