Pediatricians Continued…

ugh…I’m so fired up right now! Today is not working out to be all that awesome.
We got up super early to go to a pediatrician appointment and I was very hopeful. The location is close, the hospitals the doctor works out of is good and close, and they had come highly recommended. Too bad she sucked. 😦
She started out pretty good- not super warm or friendly but I could live with that. It was when we mentioned that Eli has Ds that the conversation shifted. She immediately wanted to know what his health issues were (zero) and if we were sure that was his diagnosis. After that, she literally said, “Have you looked into a Dr. H, who has more of a heart for kids with special needs?”. She then tried to pass us off to every doctor and clinic in the area that she could think of. \

We gently explained that our son, as far as we know, will not have any intensely special needs beyond those of a typical newborn and that we won’t know much about him until he gets here. She tried to explain to me that Ds is Ds. That our son would have physical and mental issues and that no range exists among children with Ds- meaning that he might look different but he will function the same, think the same and be as intelligent as the next child with Ds. Seriously?

I guess what hurt the most is that here I am, the patient, trying to find a trained medical professional to help me with my child and all she wanted to do was get rid of me and my “problem child”. I literally felt like I was walking around with a time-bomb in my stomach. A lady in the waiting room complimented me on how tiny I am, but all I could do was smile and look at the ground. How is it that one ignorant person can mess with your head? I was so excited to search for a doctor and now I feel like there is no hope!
We already interviewed one doctor who we love. I trust him, he was kind, he was thoughtful and helpful…but he is a bit of a drive. We were hoping for someone closer. He may be “the one” though.
Barry had me cancel all other appointments with doctors associated with the practice we visited today, but we do have one set up in next week. I think he will be our last attempt at finding someone. If we don’t like him, then we will go with the first pediatrician and be done. I can always find someone later. Doesn’t make it less discouraging.

Is it ignorant of me to not think of Eli as having special needs?
I just don’t…and maybe that is foolish.

What I am greatful for is that Barry and I were on the same page with both doctors immediately. We pushed the doors open to go into the parking lot and he enthusiastically exclaimed: Nope, absolutely not!
What a let down.
We bought donuts to cheer us up and went home on this crummy, dreary day. Now we need something to do for the day…hmm…


9 Replies to “Pediatricians Continued…”

  1. Sorry you had such a crappy experience….she definately doesn’t sound like the dr. for you all. After my daughter was born I tried two practices before settling on the one we use now (she’s 3). Mine is quite a distance from me as well but we felt like that was the place we wanted to be. I totally think you are in the right to treat your son as a child without a “disability”–that is wrong of the dr. to be so discouraging. She has no idea what his health conditions will be and I don’t believe in the statement she made to you. Hang in there and hope the donuts worked in cheering you up!

    1. Thanks girl. It really is unfortunate but she showed her true colors in the end and did us a favor. We don’t need a doctor like that in Eli’s life. 😉 the right doctor will come along. 🙂

  2. I’ve been following your blog and have thought of so many things I’d like to share… My youngest son, Jason, is 19 and has DS. We don’t think of him as “disabled” – just our son – and treat him as much like his older brother as possible. That being said, however, there are some things in life that are just different, and a great pediatrician will be a huge help and comfort to you over time. I’ve often said that J’s pediatrician could tell me to stand out in the rain – and I’d do it! 🙂 Knowing that his beliefs match mine and that he loves J just the way he is has been important to me. Follow your heart on this decision. There will be times you’ll want to know that you trust him completely.

    1. Thank you so much for following along- it means a lot. 🙂
      I know that you are totally right. I let one person get me worked up when ultimately she did me a favor and we will find the right doctor in the end.
      Today was a new day and I’m feeling so so much better. I think once Eli gets here I will feel stronger and more ready to face what’s ahead. Right now there are so many unknowns. But either way, I’m encouraged by your son and the typical life you guys lead! I can’t wait to say the same thing soon!

      1. Just to encourage you… Jason is now in 11th grade – he reads, and math is one of his favorite subjects. He’s manager for the varsity football team and loves being part of the team. He has an awesome sense of humor and loves life more than anyone I know. If God told me I could go back and choose – I would choose him exactly as he is. That has nothing to do with me but everything to do with him. He has made us better. Life is not always easy, but it is always better because of him. (And we forget that our life is any different than everyone else’s.)

        Eli is loved and is exactly who he was created to be. You will be a wonderful mom and dad to him!

      2. And this is why I absolutely love having this blog!! Because I get to “meet” people like you every day! In my heart I know that Eli is perfect and amazing just the way he is. It’s me that’s the problem. Lol but I’m working on that.
        God is so good and He continues to send me amazing people like you to remind me when I’m feeling discouraged that all is well. 🙂
        So thank you for sharing. 🙂

  3. This saddened & frustrated me. Thank God that doctor showed her true colors. She is NOT the doctor for Eli. But you do need to find a doctor HAPPY to take on your precious baby. I found a great general pediatrics MD when I lived in Dallas that was close & he was great. But when they are 1st born, a good pediatrician will send you into (for us it was Children’s in Dallas) for check ups with all kinds of specialists because babies with DS are prone to heart, ENT, eye problems, hearing, etc. So while Zach fortunately only had a minor eye problem, and a heart murmur (most newborns (ds or not) do and they close up before their 1st birthday. we still went periodically for a few years to make sure all was indeed well. There also was a Down Syndrome Clinic at Children’s that monitored everything. Your pediatrician should be aware of a DS growth chart. Ours charted Zach on both until he fell off the regular one. He was so short! But now he’s back on the “typical” kid one going through puberty! When we moved to Tyler, I discovered through another DS mom, a special needs clinic and the most amazing pediatrician that was the head of it & thankfully my friend got us in! We moved away 4 years ago & we still drive back an hour to see Dr. Barrett & will until my youngest turns 18. He is the biggest blessing in our boys lives. Yes, you should treat Eli as any other baby. But you NEED a doctor who is familiar with DS children & treating them. Because like it or not, they are different. They can have smaller nasal passages (frequent sinus infections) & ear canals (ear infections). See if there are any special needs clinics or a down syndrome clinic in Houston that can refer you to someone. I say all this with love, I don’t want to scare you. I treated Zachary as if he was any other baby because he was my only baby. But I never had to worry about Zach because I was confident in the doctors & specialist taking care of him!

    1. Thank you do much, Amy! We have already gotten connected with the Ds clinic in Houston and I actually got some good recommendations from our local Ds chapter on pediatricians. 🙂 so I’m feeling much better. I know that he will have some specialized needs but he will be more like a typical child than not and we need a doctor who is comfortable treating him when he has a cold or a fever.
      So while it was discouraging and upsetting it put me in contact with other people that will ultimately be better for Eli. 🙂 I hope my doc is as good as yours!!

  4. You have your first assignment. To fix the mindset of that practice. Lets hope it’s just that doctor who is in the stone ages but WHAT!!!!?! There most certainly ARE RANGES in everything.

    You want her to be honest and not be your doctor if it’s not for her but that lecture about no ranges is WAY WRONG. Yes, certain developmental challenges will be similar to peers but I know a boy that walked at 14 months and kids that spoke at 18 months. I am confident that some child with DS have met every milestone most likely–some strengths in some areas and even ahead if the typical curve.

    In a year or two head back to that office ti give them an educational presentation bringing Eli as your model!!! But don’t lose too much energy worrying about it now. We do have a challenging road to pave though. You will carve your path and niche all in good time!

    Hugs!! Your response was great though to not go to other appointments–wishing that alone might clue that ped in to her audacity. But she is right that some areas will I overlap and seeing someone with other spec needs & DS patients will definitely help but it’s tough to find and cannot be a huge deciding factor over getting along with your ped. You can change but it is not ideal to do that either so getting someone excellent is ideal!!!

    Good luck deciding. 🙂

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