Feeling a bit discouraged today. I finished reading Gifts and while I really enjoyed it, I have been left with a sense of sadness. Most of the stories highlight my fears and thoughts, which was a comfort. But they do not put out the fire. Instead, families reflect on their infant or toddlers….not so much into the future. (Though I must say, the stories are inspirational and positive! Some of these families…just wow! Really amazing).
I need a looking glass so I can see what the future holds. (Wouldn’t that be nice?)
And I guess that’s what I’m still dealing with. I think all parents idealize motherhood. And now that my initial dreams of parenting have changed, I’ve made adjustments to what I believe life will be like.
Days of therapy, doctors and reaching milestones at Eli’s pace. I’m excited to watch him grow and develop.
But my idea is still idealized. We don’t know what he will need when he gets here. What health issues he will face. The only thing telling us that he is “different” is an amnio. Everything else is perfect.
And then BAM! Someone poops on my hopes! More stories about health problems…stories with a negative slant…pity…”I know so-and-so who is in an assisted living community…”, “They just have so many health problems.”…or so many whatever…difficulties, challenges, you name it.
To combat that, I stay in my little bubble. Barry and I went to Baby Gap to giggle over clothes and dream. I drank some orange juice so I could rub Eli when he squirmed and kicked (my favorite!!) And I looked at noahsdad.com to get a glimpse of life with an infant.
And really I guess that is all I can do right now.
Lord, I am not skilled to understand You will. Give me grace and strength as I face the ignorance of others and attempt to shield my son and my heart from the harshness of this world.
In other news not related to my fears (which I don’t think will go away for a long time) I have another sinus infection. I think its mostly pregnancy congestion but its to the point where I can’t breathe. Its so thick!! When sitting or laying down, I’m a mouth-breather! And I can’t taste anything at all 😦 It recently turned infected and tried to move into my chest. So I’m on more antibiotics….again.
What else?…..we have gotten a TON of compliments on Eli’s name! We are certainly excited about it and we know everyone will like the name regardless. But it truly has everyone buzzing with excitement and us puffed up proudly. Hehe
Picking a name is hard work- big responsibility!
OH!!! The biggest and best thing that happened this week- our super duper awesome Home Group surprised us with a baby shower for Eli!! It was so sweet! 🙂 Normally everyone kind of trickles in around 7, but no one had shown up yet. Then the doorbell rings and Barry is greeted with a huge HELLO!!! from all our friends! It was so unexpected and we feel very loved. The ladies in our group are super crafty so I knew the stuff waiting for Eli was going to be awesome. Hand-made burp cloths, decorations and tasty treats! I am very spoiled and have the best friends. 🙂
So much to be thankful for! 🙂 With friends and family like this, I know we can do anything.