Still Processing…

We haven’t gotten much further than we were yesterday.

I’m really blown away and overwhelmed by the support, love and prayers we have received from family and friends. It means a lot and we appreciate it.
I’m also equally blown away by the “I’m so sorry” comments or pity. We get to feel sorry for ourselves…no one else. He is still a blessing…our blessing and we want him no matter what.
Am I less scared? No. I woke up this morning and got moving but promptly stopped and wound up back on the couch.
Its still there. Still the same. Our baby has down syndrome. But what we need are prayers and support, not pity and apologies.

Barry is like a rock right now. He is just as sad as I am but he is so firm in his faith. He is excited to see our son and learn from him.
I feel weak in comparison. I’m scared. Isn’t that silly? I’m scard of and for my son.
I spent some time last night looking for resources but it was pretty useless. I was too frazzeled to be productive. Not to mention how much is out there. I don’t know where to begin.

We are supposed to meet with Dr. C on Monday to discuss “options” and ask questions. But most of my questions can’t be answered.
-How severe is it? ….we won’t know until he gets here.
-What complications will he face? ….we won’t know until he gets here.
-Is there something wrong with my eggs? (Seriously still taking applications for egg and sperm donors! ‘Cause this crazy lady wants to do this again!)
-Will I be able to go back to work?
-Can I do this?

Pretty short list and personal list.
MJ is going to contact a woman that gave birth with them 6 or so weeks ago to a baby with DS to see what resources she is using. I found a DS support group but they meet in Houston. And I did learn that special services start nearly right after birth.
-How much do special services cost?

So I guess I am still processing. All day and all night baby wiggled around…”See Mom? I’m just fine!”
Trying to bend to God’s will….however ungracefully.

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28 Replies to “Still Processing…”

  1. This process takes awhile. Trust me. But it gets sooo much better. Try to stay positive. If you have any questions or anything, feel free to email me or my wife, Alaina. We’ve been where your at and know exactly what you’re going through. It is hard at times, but you have no idea how much love you’ll have for that little boy; once he’s here. It truly has been a blessing, even though that is not how we felt at the time of his birth.

    We have also went through the infertility problems as well and had all the same questions you have.

    Congrats! We’ll be following your blog and can’t wait to see him.

    1. You are the first couple we have met that has also been through fertility issues. Wow! Thank you for sharing that (and your son’s birth story- incredible!) I just thought- well we have been through so much already, nothing else could happen, right? haha God had other plans I guess!

      We can’t wait for what the future holds- thank you for responding to my blog 🙂

  2. Add me and my family to the list of people sending you love and support! We have a 3yo daughter with Down syndrome and the best way to describe her is, well, simply the best thing that has ever happened to our family! I totally understand how you’re feeling and what you’re going through right now but believe me when I say that all of those anxieties will be gone as soon as you meet your son and realize how wonderful and special he is! My husband has a blog about our daughter. I hope you’ll check it out at http://www.confessionsofadownsyndromedaddy.com. Blessings to you and your family!!

  3. Hi there! A good friend of mine shared your blog with our group and i wanted to pop on over and send you a virtual (((hug)))!

    Everything you are feeling is completely normal and I applaud you for your positive attitude. It’s okay not to be a “rock” right now. I know it all seems so scary and a lot of the questions you’re asking are the same questions I asked when my sweet girl was born. You will get through this and the “scary” will slowly fade away.

    I am looking forward to following your journey! Congratulations on your sweet baby ❤

    1. Thank you so much, Sheree!
      I love your blog and I’m so glad you found me! If you don’t mind my asking, what group are you a part of? I am all about the networking right now 😉

      1. Hi there! Jennifer Sanchez (mom to Joaquin and Sofia with Ds) shared your blog with our local moms group (AKA “The Sisterhood) here in Sacramento 😉

  4. I don’t even know where to begin. I understand your fertility issues. I’ve had 4 miscarriages, but am the proud adoptive momma to 6 kids. My youngest, we specifically chose because he has Down Syndrome. My beautiful son came home at 6 months old and so severely neglected he could not lift his head or arms off the floor, nor would he make eye contact or utter a sound. We were told he would be severely delayed because not only did he have DS, but because of the prenatal exposures to drugs and alcohol and the severity of the neglect. Well my son must have thought they said they were severely delayed. He’s now 5 and he reads, he counts, he knows his colors, he has friends, he dresses and undresses himself, and is a total ham. Let me tell you God has a special plan for special children and the parents He chooses to put them with. We are given the opportunity to see the world in a way we had never expected and it’s the most amazing way to look at the world. It lifts us up to new heights, gives us a real purpose that may not have been there before, and most of all, teaches us a deeper love than ever thought possible. I know it is overwhelming right now, but you are about to embark on a journey so incredible and so filled with wonder on both of your parts (you as a parent and your child), you will never be the same again and only for the better. I have to tell you I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, but only because I know the complete joy you will feel. You are blessed and you will know it the first time you hold your sweet baby in your arms.

    1. Laura,
      Now I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes!! 🙂 That was just so sweet, thank you for responding.
      What an amazing family you have- thank you for sharing your story. Do you have a blog I could follow?

      1. I do have a blog, but I have to admit with six kids, I’m not as consistent with it as I would like to be. The kids are all special needs so my time for anything extra comes and goes. I just posted on there about how far Cameron has come. Please watch the videos and see how far a kid that was supposed to be so developmentally delayed can come. I’m sure you will have a big smile when you are done watching.http://mommato6.blogspot.com/
        You are also free to friend me on FB if you would like. Just look up Laura Spencer Chapman. I can understand how hard this journey would be and if you need someone to listen, I will gladly be there for you.

  5. Just found your beautiful blog and wanted to say hello and congratulations!!! I know it seems hard now, and everyone has a different path through it, but it gets better…a LOT better! ((((Hugs)))) Can’t wait to follow your journey…sending prayers from our family to yours 🙂

  6. Dear Newman family,
    Our family is very happy for you! First off, you are having a baby and that’s totally awesome to have a son, we just had our first a couple months ago 🙂 . We had 3 girls before we got a boy. So fun!!!

    Our second daughter has Ds. She is now 4. She is very similar to our other children, well more like them than she is different. She enjoys our vacations, playing with toys, dancing, singing, cuddling, getting into mischief (that most often makes us laugh), loves storytime, swimming, playing at park, etc etc. But, there us one thing different that she has added to our family that is a GREAT gift and that is down syndrome. Many parents around the world understand this. Understand that with this challenge, blessing after blessings will be unfolded to you throughout his life. You are lucky even if it is hard to feel that way right now.

    I can understand your fears, lost hopes or dreams, and concern as a parent. I spent my time shedding some tears, but I would have you know that there has been way more laughs, hugs, smiles, joys, and celebrations!!!! Our daughter has brought the most amazing people in our life! She has taught me what’s most important. Her unconditional love and ability to heal the broken hearted. She has Many abilities and gifts she will share with others and so will you son. It will not only be okay, it will be an awesome journey. I’m so glad you have faith! The opposite of fear is faith. Your faith will help you through those darkest moments of fear and will help you to learn there really isn’t anything to fear.

    A great book to read is “Gifts” for new Moms. It really helped to relate to all those other Moms feelings, much like you wrote about in this post (we all felt this same way maybe just a little differently, but can all relate) and see the positive outcomes that came from having their baby.

    Well, I’m testing this on my iPhone on our way home from Disneyland. Just know that all will be okay and you will fall in love with your baby. If you are curious to see our little girl just search google “charity grace down syndrome” and you will find a movie I made of all the things Charity CAN DO. It’s been so fun seeing her develop and her personality. My friend had a sweet baby girl with trisomy 18 just born this week and I see even better how very lucky we are to have our kiddos as her diagnosis statistics are not as promising. But, I had to remind her that those darn statistics are not her child and does not speak of the purpose her child has.

    Please feel free to email me. I will keep you, your baby and little family in my prayers.
    Hugs,
    Susan Biery
    Mother 3 girls and 1 boy
    Three things you will LOVE about down syndrome (I could think of hundreds, but I’ll spare you):

    1. Susan…WOW! Thank you for your response! A lot of families I have encountered so far have had their last child born with DS. With this being our first, looking forward at building our family is even more scary! I am happy to hear that you went on to continue your family regardless of the diagnosis.
      Thank you for your story- I am seriously blown away by how many people have already found my blog and felt led to reach out to us.
      God is awesome!
      We hope you will follow our journey! I am anxious but excited to see what’s next for us. 🙂

  7. Hello!!! First off, congratulations on your pregnancy! Having a baby is the greatest blessing life has to bestow on you. You will be forever grateful, I promise. My husband and I have 4 kids: Jack (19–I swear I’m not that old!), Mary Kate (16), Patrick (12 and has Down Syndrome) and Caroline (5).

    Having a baby, any baby, is a scary process because you are allowing life’s perceived control to be out of your grip. You are going to love and care and feel deeply virtually every emotion life has to give you. That is regardless of whether your child has any known special needs. Having a child with Down Syndrome isn’t all that different from having any other child. Your child will need love and acceptance to thrive…just like any other kid. He may have other needs at first, or he may not…just like any kid. He’s going to be wildly successful at some things and other things will be extraordinarily difficult…just like any kid. You will be amazed and touched to your core when he smiles at you for the first time, giggles, snuggles in and is soothed by your touch and voice and responds to your love…just like any other kid.

    Truly, I believe with my whole self that your son is meant to be your son in this cosmically perfect way. He is meant to be the older brother of whatever siblings you might have later, in this cosmically perfect way. For me, my older two children have become the people they are meant to be because of Patrick. They are advocates and loving siblings. To them, Down Syndrome is no big deal. They love their brother and it is both as easy and as difficult as that. My youngest daughter Caroline worships Patrick. He is her hero and her favorite person to play with. Watching him play the part of the older brother has taught me the importance of letting people with Down Syndrome be leaders and experts in their daily life.

    I know this was not the news you were hoping to hear. No one wants their child to have any difficulty or adversity in their life, ever, let alone at the very beginning. However, we all know that adversity is part of life. Your son will handle his with the grace of a baby: snuggling in, being enveloped in love and growing. You will be inspired and awed at these simple life lessons.

    You are willing to accept a most precious gift and that courage will be rewarded a hundred fold. Soon…very soon, you will realize what a tremendous blessing your son is and how very lucky you are. I’m so happy for you, truly! I know the path you are on. I know the love, inspiration and wonder only parents can understand. Congratulations!!! I’m wishing for you an uneventful pregnancy and the peace of knowing that “the universe is unfolding exactly as it should”. ~Beth

    1. Beth,
      Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I think, God in His grace, has showered me with the words I needed to hear through everything my new friends have posted. Looking at your blog, I can see how close your family is and the love they clearly have for one another.

      You are right, I don’t want my child to have any difficulties, but you are also right in that every child is different but the same.
      Thank you 🙂

  8. Dear Newmans,

    I see a lot of my local friends have responded to your blog. Awesome! Our local group of moms who have a child with Ds is 70 strong!

    First off, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby! Susan B and Beth said what I want to say very well. You are on what will be an amazing journey and your little boy will teach you so many things about the world. It’s OK to feel sad and overwhelmed right now. It won’t last forever, I promise 🙂

    There are fantastic resources available to you. Here’s a great blog to check out: http://downsyndromepregnancy.org/ I hope you find some tidbits of encouragement there.

    My husband and I have 5 children, ages 14 to 19 months. Our 4th child, John Michael, is 4 and has Ds. He’s awesome! You can meet him and the rest at http://www.monicacrumley.blogspot.com Gifts is a great book as was mentioned above.

  9. Dear Newman Family,

    Congratulations! I am sooo happy for you.

    My name is Amy, and like you I had a prenatal diagnosis of Ds. My Delilah is two years old now and she is the apple of everyone’s eye not just Mommy and Daddy. Everywhere that we go, she lights up the whole room and she is doing things any 2 year old would. She is hilarious! I know how scared you are feeling. It is very normal to feel scared. When I see my daughter now, I look back on when I was pregnant and wonder, What I was so worried about? You will find with time that things will get easier. Our children really are extraordinary. I am sooooo happy for you.

    I don’t have a blog but I am on facebook and I have tons of pictures and videos of Delilah on my page.

    Amy Keenan McFall

  10. Hi Newman’s! It’s Ty & Tracy! Nice to meetcha!

    It’s kind of crazy how our paths have crossed…our family just moved from Northern California to Dallas…yeehaw! & we were part of the Mom’s group mentioned above, The Sisterhood where many of the awesome Mommies above are from. That’s actually how I heard about you!

    Sooooo…we wanted to introduce ourselves! I just turned 9 & am the boss of 2 little brothers & 2 dogs. We’ve been through good, bad & everything inbetween, but we always try to keep the focus on the positive…see the silver lining.

    We’re not sure where in Texas you are, but if it’s anywhere near Dallas we would LOVE to meet up! In the meantime we hope you find me & Mom on Facebook & swing by my blog to get to know me & my adventurous family! Ok, so maybe I’m more of the adventurous one & my family is just along for the ride lol! Details, details…

    http://www.tysadventures.wordpress.com

    1. Tracy,
      Thank you for looking us up! We are actually in Houston and I am going to Ft Worth in less than a month to visit a friend. I just added you on FB, so PM me! 🙂
      I have added your blog to my blogroll also. So excited to meet you!! 🙂

  11. Hi Newmans~ I have an fun loving and adorable boy named Dante who is 2 years old with Ds and a little spit fire named Daniella (9months). They have both rocked my world and made me a better person. Truly, they have! They have made me a better person with a more patient and loving heart. Like many of my other “sisters” have already posted so eloquently, congratulations on your wonderful, exciting and beautiful pregnancy! Your outlook is perfect, your concerns and fears are very real and common as we have all experienced our own in some similar way. The days of raising a special baby is just like the days of raising any other baby…AMAZING…and you will soon get the opportunity to live it! How exciting=>

    God bless you and your family as you are about to embark on the ride of your life….a ride you will never want to get off=>

    Warmest Wishes, April, Johnny, Dante and Daniella=>
    Our very modest blog is http://babydavila.blogspot.com/…not fancy but it does the job;)

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