Living Ultrasound To Ultrasound

I’m seriously going to drive myself nuts. Lol my weekend has consisted of nothing but self prescribed bed rest. I’m so bored but I just don’t know how to handle this. The spotting has not gotten worse and only happens some of the times I go to the restroom. It varies from tinted pink, to light tan and sometimes I swear I see normal cm.
Last week my cm was that beautiful creamy white/clear. I miss it. 😦

Then of course I spend my time researching miscarriage symptoms, and comparing my symptoms to those of others.
I think I have started imagining symptoms. Is that back pain with my “spotting”? Are those uterine cramps?…are they normal?
Ugh… everything says that if one of these symptoms comes with another then it is likely miscarriage (back pain with cramps, or cramps with bleeding, etc). I know that if this pregnancy is coming to an end there is nothing I can do or should have done differently.
And its hard to not focus on every thing my body is doing. I’m probably noticing normal pregnancy stuff that people would never notice but I’m a freak of nature. I will honestly say that if I’m busy doing something I don’t notice any symptoms.

My mom says I should work on the nursery to distract myself. I think that will make me more crazy.
Work does need to hurry up and get here so I can focus on other things. And so Wednesday will hurry and get here.
I do wish the spotting would go away. Nothing about this process has been “normal” and I just want normal. I want to be able to feel as if I can relax and I’ve been alternating between panic and calm all day.

I want to be able to feel safe to shout to the world: I am pregnant!! But I know in life there are no promises. I know that we have come so far and beat so many odds already. And I know that when I take it easy I “feel” better.
This is something I need to give up! Give this worry and fear to God and wait and pray.
I’m living between ultrasounds and forcing myself to think positive. Dangit!!

UPDATE: spotting went away Monday evening but was replaced with a yellow discharge and maybe a booty rash?
I do have an on/off sore lower back, posterior pelvic pain and I feel every twinge/pull of my uterus. Of course this worried me when the spotting was involved. But my cm is so minimal (also wondering if that is normal or not) it was hard to tell today if the spotting was still even there.

Pregnancy symptoms are still minimal as well.
My u/s appointment has been moved up to tomorrow to make sure I don’t have an infection and that all is well with out little peanut.
There will be good news tomorrow. I will not worry about my symptoms, I will not research infections and their possible links to miscarriage and I will not be negative.
More good news is coming our way!!


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