Is this for real?

hCG levels
Found this today. Thought it was interesting. My level is much higher than the average at this point in a pregnancy.
Also found this: Embryo Glue You think you know it all about IVF and ART and then suddenly you hear of something new. Wow!

Still doesn’t feel real. My symptoms can be chalked up to medicine s/e, AF symptoms, nerves or allergies.

Symptoms so far:
-still bloated
-(.)(.) a bit sore but not unlike AF
-feel full but hungry at the same time
-dull uterine cramps occasionally
-twinges in my left ovary occasionally
-minor constipation
-tired during the day yet cannot sleep at night
-more frequent urination but I am drinking more water
-dry dry dry nose and dry dry cm
-I officially weigh more than I ever have in my entire life…already
-soreness from the progesterone injections but less bruises!

Still don’t feel pregnant. It’s weird.
Something that did make me feel pg…yesterday I had eaten my lunch at a normal time, school had let out and I was on my way to a continuing ed class. I was so hungry at 4 in the afternoon, that I stopped by McDonalds, ate an entire hamburger, hid the evidence, then went home and eat dinner as well.
Yeah.
Other times, I feel as if I ate way too much food, when I haven’t eaten at all and I am about to barf.
And now I’m sitting here with my old pregnancy books from last year. Maybe reading these will make it feel more real?

I just need to stop focusing on all the things that could go wrong. That’s pretty selfish, huh? I should be excited and planning and “glowing” with happiness. But none of it seems real and I am so worried about all the obstacles that stand in our way…like, what if it is an ectopic? We won’t know that until between 5-8 weeks. What if the hCG numbers don’t rise? What if our baby is chromosomally abnormal and we have a miscarriage?
Barry is so amazing. He feels like God opened the door for all of this to happen perfectly. This was just our way of becoming parents. He feels like we have no more embryos left because we couldn’t agree on what to do with them if we had any left…so God took care of it. He feels like we had every door shut for financing our IVF except the one way we picked, which financed it perfectly. In his opinion, it all worked out exactly as it should.
And while, looking back, I can see all of those things, it is still difficult to wrap my mind around this BFP.
My second beta is tomorrow. Maybe after seeing some higher numbers, I will feel better.

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