Allowing myself to be hopeful….

…at least for a while. No need to be blue all weekend. Feeling a bit better. We had Barry’s birthday party last night, and even though I cried all the way home (including the whole time while walking around in Walmart with my sunglasses on like a weirdo) and then got hormonal on Barry when I got home…well, it went very well. Once I got over myself I had a good time and lots of laughs. I needed that. 🙂
It was a great turn out! Nearly the whole family plus lots of friends.
I was just feeling really sorry for myself. I not only want to be a mom, but I want the experience of pregnancy and giving birth. Too much to ask for??
Kind of feels like it.
And Barry is resistant to fostering and sperm donor because it’s an assault on his manhood. I get it. But tell me, what makes a father?….coming from a family of divorce, I can tell you sperm DOES NOT make a father. So it’s important to me for us to get on the same page about this issue.
After getting a bit crazy about this issue yesterday, Barry relented and agreed that no matter what, he wanted to be a father. So I think we are in the same page…it will take him some time to get used to the idea, and of course we haven’t given up on this cycle yet. But just talking about the future made me feel so much better.
Now, the bigger issue: money. Even though we are on the same page (or at least thinking about the options), they all cost money that we don’t have. It seems so unfair. As if, because we don’t have insurance that covers IVF, or hoards of money saved away somewhere, we have to be forced into a childless life.
*sigh*

But my family just loved on me last night, and like I said, I am feeling better. My dad called from his offshore rig to cheer me up. He never does stuff like that. I almost started crying all over again. lol But he said that we would talk when he came home, and that he would never let us end this journey without attempting to help in every way possible.
AND Dr. H emailed me. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but it gave me some hope.

Ashley,

Your first set of labs were super. HIGH Estrogen and Progesterone. This is a good sign. You should be taking Progesterone 1 ml in the hip and Estrace 2mg twice daily. Add a Vivelle dot patch every other day until next blood draw.

See you soon.

Dr. H

Today is a new day and I need to face these fears but save some of these other worries for when we get there.
In the meantime, I am going to try to squeeze my bloated ass into my capris (they are seriously tighter than they have ever been!! My calf are even bloated! lol) and spend time with Tiffany.
It IS going to be a good day, dangit!!!

Advertisements

One Reply to “Allowing myself to be hopeful….”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s