6 months down

I didn’t think Mother’s Day would be that hard, but I also didn’t anticipate AF showing up either. It was a rough day…I spent most of it feeling sorry for myself and crying. We had attended church first thing in the morning and I cried nearly the whole time there. The pastor prayed for mothers but also for those of us who cannot be mothers. Who are trying and failing, or who have been told they will never have a child of their own. The spiritual mothers to others, or teachers to others. I just bawled and bawled.
Then we went to Patsy’s and that was less than eventful. We didn’t get to eat until 2, and by then I was so hungry I felt sick. So after lunch I took a nap because I feel so bad. Then we went straight over to Carabbas for dinner. So full.
I cried in the bathroom there.
And then finally it was over and I got to go home and rest. I cried until I fell asleep. I really hate this person that I become whenever my period shows up. This broken and sad person. I’m ok today. A little rough around the edges, but I’m fine. It’s just the first day that’s the worst.
So I have my well-woman exam next week (I think…lol) and I’ve contacted a friend who just adpoted a baby. It’s time to explore all options. If the adoption door opens up and we are lucky, then I can get back on BC and stop having these horribly painful periods. Or, if my doc can help with our current issue, then we will explore that too.
This is literally sucking everything our of our marriage, it’s killed our sex life officially, and my emotions are always running high. Apparently, my family thinks I need to be medicated (found that out yesterday) even though none of them know or understand what I am going through. 😦

Anyway, my color is bad today and I look tired from all my crying.
Time to pick up the pieces and face another month of this.

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