Dec 28, 2010

Welcome to my screwed up world. The one where my own body is holding me hostage.
I have a slight thyroid irregularity, so they are putting me on the smallest dosage of meds possible, and I am cutting the pill in half. Could be causing my lack of period, and could also cause weight gain, fatigue, etc…lots of issues basically. Yay. If I don’t start my period in a week, I need to go in for a visit. If I do, then I have a 6 week check up to make sure everything is balanced back out.
Maybe I will loose some weight through all of this. But more likely I will just explode due to the rage and anger. Yeah, more likely.
Also, even though I am not on pelvic rest anymore I am completely terrified of having sex. I don’t want to accidentally make another baby.
My doctor is concerned too and told me to wait out this next week for my period. *sigh*
Thats the latest.
Not very graceful, am I? ugh…inside I am, I swear. The stress and worry and helplessness is just starting to get to me. Dear Body, I will not allow you to hold me hostage any longer. You cannot affect my spirit anymore, I won’t allow it. My heart is broken but I won’t let you keep me from healing it.
Lord, I recognize my great need for You right now. You are the great healer and I know that You have a plan for me. Please help me to have more grace in all of this. Help me to find the healing in my heart and get me through this storm. I can’t do it without You.

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you.

Amen.

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3 Replies to “Dec 28, 2010”

  1. Honey, you’re shooting yourself in the foot not taking that medication properly.
    If your thyroid levels are low (hypothyroidism), then your metabolism is sluggish, which can lead to weight gain, fatigue, etc.
    Hypothyroidism can also lead to irregular periods and fertility issues.
    Trust me, I’m taking the same medication (for Hashimoto’s, an auto-immune disease that causes hypothyroidism).

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